Who is Mom?

Last updated: 09/03/2016 10:46 by AlisonCurtis to AlisonCurtis's Blog
Filed under: According to Alison
 
Like Dusty Springfield once sang: "I Just Don’t Know What to do With Myself", I find myself like that whenever my daughter and hubby go away together. Which is very very rare.
 
Or even if I have a full day on my own, what did I do before I became a mum?

The other day I spoke to a new mum on my radio show. Her baby had just turned nine months and she was off for a pampering girly night away, leaving Baby with Dad.
 
When I asked her if that was her first night away, she replied: “Oh God no, we have been lucky. We have been away for a few weekends just the two of us.”

At first I thought, “but your baby is only nine months old...”, then followed quickly with the realisation that this is a normal (and healthy) thing for new parents to do.
 
She and I chatted a bit more on air and I said in all honesty that it was a wise thing to do. To make time for the other half and for yourself and to have time away from Baby.
 
I have many friends who went away for weekends during their child’s first year, some even got on a plane!

The thing is we didn’t do that. The first time my husband and I went away togerther after Joan, she was nearly six months old.
 
He was playing at Electric Picnic and I drove down with him. We left her with his parents with bottles of formula. I spent the entire time away from her worrying.
 
All the while my boobs were getting bigger and more sore. About 10 hours after I left her (and hearing from his mum that she wouldn’t take much of the bottle), I got back to our car in a panic that Joan was miles away from me dying of thirst.
 
When I got back to her she was asleep, I  tried to wake her to take the boob but she wasn’t having any of it. I then pumped a full bottle in a few minutes flat and passed out myself. Both my husband and I woke up the next day thinking it wasn’t worth it to leave her again for such a long time. But was that the right way to think?

It was some time later that the two of us went on our first night away without Joan, she was one and a half.
 
At first, when we were driving away we were excited! We checked into our hotel, went for a swim and to the sauna, and then pints.
 
 
Admittedly, the whole time I felt like something very important was missing and that I was empty-handed. By the time we sat down for dinner, I started to worry about her not being able to fall asleep without us.
 
The hardest thing about that night was not looking at our phones. Again, that wasn’t good for us as a couple.

Fast forward to this year, and Joan is four and a half. I went away for my first weekend anywhere without either my child or my husband in years. I went to Holland with two of my best friends for a long weekend. It felt completely foreign to be getting on a plane without my family. But if I am totally honest, I really enjoyed the first two days away.
 
It was good to just stroll about the place and not worry about someone taking off or not holding my hand crossing roads; to just order a meal and eat it without interruption; to decide on a whim to grab a pint; to be able to fully concentrate on what another adult was telling me; to just relax. It was all good!
 
Maybe it was because she is older or the knowledge that she was with her dad, but I didn’t worry. However, by the third morning I was more than ready to get back and see her. I had a physical pinning to squeeze both of them and to hold her tight.

Then just a few weeks ago I was on my own for a Sunday. I had some work to do, so my husband decided to go to his parents for the day. I was pretty good until my work was finished: then I twiddled my thumbs, mopped the floor, looked at Twitter, twiddled my thumbs some more, made a boring dinner, thought about a glass of wine, put laundry away and twiddled thumbs some more. It was embarrassing!
 
Half a day to myself and I was lost. I was on my own before, making dinners for one and not caring for a little person - and all that independence without guilt had better come back!
 
I really admire a lot of my friends who have continued nurtured the side of themselves that existed before they became parents, and that Sunday was a reminder I should follow suit and remember who is Mum - who I am! 
 
images via Pinterest
 
Déanta in Éirinn - Sheology
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