It flies by...that's what everyone says isn't it?
This week my eldest son went on a school residential week away. One whole week. Well, 5 whole days...but regardless...in a mummy's heart...a very long time!
I have felt physically hollow, I have had a headache which has pounded to varying degrees as the week has gone on, and I have been highly emotional all week.
Getting my youngest her jabs was probably not the best idea as the nurse practically had to deal with me crying as well as my 12 month old! And despite all the best plans to strip my son's bed and air his mattress, it took me until Wednesday to bring myself to take the sheets off whereby they were duly washed, dried and put straight back on so I knew it was ready for him when he gets home.
Now, I know, I'm over the top and emotional as a parent. I totally recognise that. But my child, being away from me, in a situation completely unfamiliar to me, out of my care, my hands, no control over whether or not he is eating, drinking, sleeping etc etc...well it's a pretty large pill for any parent to swallow.
The week has passed and I am currently sat outside his school (I am only about an hour early - but best not to be late!) typing frantically whilst twitching continually to look up for the peep of a coach. I am honestly so excited, I really do feel like a 5 year old at Christmas.
I know for a fact that he will have had a fantastic time. The activities they have undertaken are all things he would enjoy, and I am sure he has had the time of his life. But that doesn't stop it being hard for us parents left behind. And it worries me that I am not equipped to deal with my children growing up.
Despite doing it four times, I have never really enjoyed pregnancy. But the one thing I loved was constantly having my baby with me. Everywhere I went, baby came too. And it's the same when you have a newborn. You get to snuggle them tight into a sling and carry them around all day. But the older they get, the further they move away from you - both physically and emotionally. They start nursery, then it's school and before you know it the time has come for the week residential visit. And this is just the start! There will be more and more the older they get, until eventually....well, I can't deal with that today!
Fact is, we can't stop it..nor would we want to. I would not have sacrificed him staying here with me for the week and me not having had to feel this awful sense of loss in exchange for him missing out. There was never a question about him not going. He was always going to be on that coach. But I'm not going to lie, I'm really glad it's Friday! And I'm even more glad that it will be at least a year before I have to face this again.
Do you really have to grow up quite so fast?