Today has been a really shitty day.


I am three days late for my monthlies, I'm not concerned, my periods are all over the place at the minute, two tests down and they are both negative. I am extremely down and miserable. After a hectic weekend, I feel completely floored. I feel like I need to sleep for a week just to get my energy back. 


My house has fallen down around me, toys everywhere, washing coming out of my ears. i decided that today was the day I stayed in and sorted it all. 


I woke up with my hubby at 6:15, got washed and dressed, and normally I get about 45 minutes to an hour to have an hour of quiet time with a cuppa.


This didn't happen today, Grayson woke up at 6:45.


Straight away, my routine had been broken. I put my washing on, folded the washing out of the dryer, hoovered, polished and unloaded the dishwasher. Kellan woke at 7:15. I had been asking my kids for the past hour to come upstairs with me while I hoover and for them to get washed, brush their teeth and get dressed. It didn't happen, I ended up shouting at them I instantly felt awful.


I know some mums shout, but i don't. It broke me. My patience level is just not what it normally is.


They were bickering and fighting over everything. I nearly burst in to tears, but I didn't want them to see mummy upset. So I locked myself in my en-suite and took 5 minutes out, even doing that made me feel awful. I was having a Charlotte from Sex & The City moment where she locks herself in her pantry and cried, only difference was, I wasn't wearing a vintage chanel, I was wearing tracksuit bottoms and crying in my bathroom.


They were still screaming at each other and hitting each other, I don't know what came over me, I just feel mentally and physically exhausted with it all. 



I have felt guilty ever since, and I feel sad because it happened. Once I had taken a breather, I went outside, kissed them both and apologised. They were playihng typically when I came out, but it was nice to see. It has just been one of those days. I know I'm not the only one to feel like this, and I understand parents discipline their children in different ways, but this isn't my usual way. 


Guilt has just taken over me today.


The kids are running around in the garden, my house is done as much as it can be, washing is finished and we had pizza for lunch! I am now sitting with a hot cup of coffee, watching my favourite, Friends. 


Tomorrow is a new day.



Stay at home mummy of two boys aged four and two. Wife to be. I'm a coffee lover and Disney fanatic just trying my best at parenting.

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