So, towards the end of the summer (who am I kidding, it was actually a week in) I was looking forward to my son starting school.


'A bit of routine will be great for all of us', I chanted most of August. 


I was anxious during the build-up though. How would he get on? The nightmare that he would wet his pants, get sick and have a meltdown before 9.30am on the first day. How do you come back from that kind of start? Thankfully, none of this happened and like everything else, it quickly becomes the new norm.


Now, every bloody day is like Groundhog Day. There's the lollipop lady. There's yer wan with the twins. Sure, the fella with the kid who keeps stopping with the scooter. There he is. Like every other single morning. 


And I'm lucky that everyone is happy for the most part, as long as I keep buying emoji cheese strings. But sometimes I'd just love something to happen. Something pure wild.


Like if the lollipop lady told the man who keeps running across the road when there is a red man to 'cop the f**k on or she'll whack him with her lollipop'. That would be a good start to shake things up. I know she's dying to.


Or, if I bumped into Tom Hardy on the walk to school, that would be great.



I'd ask for a photo. I'd have been so charming that Tom would have felt comfortable enough to go in for the kiss on the cheek. Only I'd have thought it was a hug. And before you know it, we're there, milling into each other. Completely by accident.


Ok, maybe the lollipop lady scenario is slightly more plausible. But even at that, I can't be relying on her to throw a wobbler and for me to be there. It is just too unlikely.


I think for the moment the best plan is for me to go about the school run as if Tom could be watching. I think it may give me a bit of a perk in my step.




My name is Emma Doran and I’m a comedian. I live in Dublin with my partner Shane and our 3 children. Ella 14, Joe 4 and Tommy 2. We have 2 dogs Twiggy and Stan (mother and son). We also have a cat Coco that stops by now and then but Stan fancies her so it’s a whole thing now.

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