Im expecting twins and Im scared of giving birth again

This week I have turned 30 weeks pregnant and honestly I can’t believe how quickly the time has gone by. I am so grateful to be able to say that so far it has gone by very smoothly and considering that it’s a twin pregnancy I count myself very lucky that there have been no complications. Up until now I feel like I have been able to continue on with life pretty much the same as usual – writing, taking care of my two daughters, taking care of the house (and husband!) and all of the other daily rituals.

But something has changed in the last couple of weeks. The babies are really starting to gain weight now and my bump is truly beginning to feel heavy. I am starting to feel the strain.

That coupled with the fact that I have now entered the third trimester has all of a sudden heightened my awareness that it could now be a matter of weeks, singular, before the babies arrive. The reality of which has suddenly made me realise – I am scared of giving birth again.

Up until now it hadn’t really crossed my mind, perhaps there is a sense of safety and security when you are in the first and second trimesters of pregnancy. You don’t have to think about it too much because in your mind the whole giving birth part is still ages away. Then boom! All of a sudden you hit the 28/29 week mark and realise it isn’t actually that far away at all. In fact it begins to creep up on you pretty quickly.

Maybe I was being naïve but I actually thought that because I have given birth twice in the past that this time I would be fine. After all I’ve been here before, I know how the whole experience goes. But I was wrong. It seems like all the nerves and apprehension that come with labour never really leave you, regardless of how many times you have done it in the past. There are so many questions swirling around in my head, plaguing me with worry. Questions like:

  • When will the labour start?
  • Will it be during the day or during the night?
  • Will it be a natural birth or a caesarian?
  • How long will it take?
  • What about the pain???

I find myself lying in bed some nights going over and over all of this in my mind. And then of course anytime I feel a slight twinge or some pressure I begin to panic and start asking myself – “Is this it?” , “Is it starting??”.

Of course the rational part of my brain is trying desperately to remind me that I am only 30 weeks pregnant and that there is still time to go yet. But the thing about fear is that it can be very powerful. It begins to course rapidly through your system disposing of all logical and rational thought along the way.

So How Do You Overcome This Worry And Fear?

Well as any of you who have been consumed by fear or worry at some point will know, it can be very hard to overcome. Getting past it feels almost impossible at times. And I bet all of us out there who are currently pregnant will worry to some extent about the birth.

Maybe it’s a completely natural apprehension to have? Maybe it’s impossible not to worry? After all it is a huge experience and you never know what way it is going to go.

For me it is all about taking deep breaths and trying not to overthink it. If I let my mind wander (which happens quite often) then I will begin to imagine every worst case scenario possible. After all it is so much easier to focus on the negatives rather than the positives. So that is what I need to do - keep staying positive. Also I keep trying to remind myself that my two daughters made it here ok so why should these two little babies be any different?

Yes positive, rational thoughts are key. So when in doubt never forget:

  • There is a lot of support out there
  • The midwives are incredible
  • There is always pain relief!

So when you think about it that way, really there is nothing to fear is there...

My name is Tracey Carr and four years ago I stopped working to become a stay-at-home mum to my two little girls, something which has been a rollercoaster ride to say the least. My blog is a quest to try and re-discover myself as I journey through motherhood and to hopefully help redefine the whole concept of what we know a ‘housewife’ to be.

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