From the moment you get that positive pregnancy test, you make a conscious decision to put your baby first. If you drink, you stop drinking, if you smoke, you stop smoking, you switch to decaf coffee, you avoid shellfish, you rest when you can, you don’t lift anything heavy, listen the list goes on and on and on. All to mind your baby and put your baby’s health and safety first. Yes, its tough sometimes but you remember that this is only for 40 weeks and what could be a more important job than growing a tiny little magical human.
Then its time for baby to arrive. If, like me, you had a traumatic birth experience. I won’t go into all these details again as I have written a post called “Childbirth – My Story” already on My Little Mummy Blog but basically Bobby and I had to spend 8 nights in hospital, with him being in ICU and me having third degree tears physically, and mentally, I had been through what seemed like a horrific car crash that came out of nowhere, as I was not expecting it at all.
There were times where I didn’t know if our baby was going to be ok. It was almost 4 long days before we could even hold him for the first time. Now, thank God Bobby was absolutely perfect and after 8 nights we got to head home. It was wonderful; however, we were all so thrilled to have beautiful baby Bobby home and in great health that we all forgot about me.
Now that sentence probably sounds selfish or maybe even strange and it was nobody’s fault, we were just so relieved that Bobby was healthy, and he was now home with his family, that nothing else mattered. I threw myself into trying to be the very best Mum I could be, as we all do, and this, of course, kept me very busy, until recently.
Recently, I have realised that what happened to me and us in childbirth has indeed had a huge effect on me and on my life.
I worry about him, I get anxious and I am overprotective which I know is probably normal for most first time Mums, however, I think that in my case if Bobby was just handed into my arms as he arrived into the world, I wouldn’t be AS protective. The point is this. I was left fragile, physically and mentally.
In the weeks to follow, I had two trips to the Emergency room with my stitches and even taking the time to leave the baby and head up to the hospital, I found difficult. I did not want to be away from him, but I had to, I had to get myself seen. Not once though was I worried about me or thinking about my injury, I just wanted to get seen, get some antibiotics or whatever and get back home to my baby.
Mentally, I also needed to be looked after but I didn’t realise that at the time.
When Bobby arrived, he was immediately taken away from me and I didn’t know if he was alive. I could only see part of his little leg through a gap in the team of doctors that surrounded him.
I had to ask if our baby was a boy or a girl. I myself then had to be taken away fast for emergency surgery, as I was losing a lot of blood, still not knowing anything…
In the days that followed we didn’t know much more. There was lots of waiting around and sitting in my ward surrounded by Mothers and their babies while I was alone in mine.
I was never offered any counselling or anything similar and to be honest I probably wouldn’t have taken it because I wasn’t minding myself; I wasn’t giving me a second thought
It might seem strange to only be realising this now 19 months in but it’s true.
To all you other new Mums out there or Mums to be, please if you do go through a difficult delivery or you must spend some time in hospital with or without your baby, talk, ask for help, remember you, mind you, take the time to take care of you.