As a parent in her forties, I sometimes compare my childhood to that of my children. What was play like when I was a preschooler, and how is it different now for my children?
Forty years ago, most children played outdoors the majority of time. Now, we often struggle to get the recommended 60 minutes of outdoor play every day.
Nowadays, a lot of homes complain about having too many toys and where to put them, with some families even having dedicated play rooms. But 40 years ago, children had much fewer toys.
Forty years ago, most children played in the dirt, making mud cakes. Nowadays, parents bring wipes and sprays everywhere they go.
Forty years ago, most children climbed trees and got pretty dirty each day; they had worn clothes with holes in their knees. Now, some children are dressed in good clothes everyday and are told not to mess their clothes by playing certain games.
Dirt was good 40 years ago. Children were seen as healthy. But today, if children are dirty, parents worry that someone will judge them.
Forty years ago, most children freely played with art materials in the home and were allowed free rein to decorate the tree at Christmas with homemade goods. Nowadays, I know many parents who ban paint, glitter and glue from the home, and dread play dough.
Forty years ago, our parents let us play away, making up our own games. Today, many parents - myself included - watch over our children too much.
Forty years ago, it was OK for your neighbour to reprimand your children when they played in their house, or for Granny or Granddad to discipline their grandchildren. But now, no one corrects a child except their parent.
Forty years ago, most children ate the same meal as their parents. Now, we have such things as 'kid's meals'. Why do we need such a thing, and who invented children's food?
The list could go on and on. When you look back at your own childhood and compare it to how you parent, it is questionable as to why we parent in such a different way.
Of the practices 40 years ago, nothing I mentioned put children at risk. Children were free and happy in a child’s world. They were less aware of the adult world, and allowed to be innocent for longer.
Why is it, in today’s world, we want our children to grow up quicker, but mourn when they no longer believe in the mystical wonders of childhood? We involve them in adult life and allow them listen to adult conversations, asking them to choose between parents and to accept the transitions that come to their families.
Why have a beautiful home if your children don’t feel at home in it? Can you make some space for the messy play? I promise you, your home can still be beautiful, with some simple precautions in place.
Ask yourself why you worry so much about what other people think. It is OK for kids to have holes in the knees of their trousers. I tried to throw out some of my three-year-old's trousers recently for that very reason, but he claimed them back as his 'working clothes'.
If there are responsible adults around your children a lot, give them permission to help you with them. If they want what is best for your child, and you agree on how to raise and parent them, then it is good for children to hear another adult tell them off now and again. It builds resilience. Once they do it in a respectful way, it will not hurt your child. None of us can raise our children alone.
In 2017, perhaps we can explore some of the things that you enjoyed about your childhood. What worked for you? What helped you become the person you are today? What developed the skills and talents you use today in your employment? What could you bring into your parenting to support your child going forward?
Not everything from the past needs to be left in the past. There are a lot of great people out there in their forties, so something must have worked in their childhoods. It could be worth exploring in the coming year.
