1. Are you ready? I'm going to the car in 2 minutes
 

2. Jesus, I wouldn’t have a clue how to do that, ask your Dad


3. Did you eat your lunch?


4. Who’s crying now?


5. How is it €50 for photocopying, €50!?


6. How was school?


7. How do you mean you left the book in school?


8. Who keeps drinking all the bottles of water? They are for the lunches, people.


9. No, you can't do piano, music, basketball, soccer, yoga, ukelele, piano, badminton, tennis, camogie, karate, gymnastics, Russian, Swahili – pick one!
 

10. Did you pay that?


11. Why is he naked again?

 


12. Where is the brush?


13. Have you any homework?


14. What happened the front of your shoes?


15. We'll see


16. Is your homework done?


17. Are one of you selling bobbles down the playground or what?


18. What is that down the front of your jumper?


19. Another note home?


20. Come back, what’s in your hand?


21. Did you actually paint with your new tracksuit on?


22. Are they staying for dinner?


23. Where are all your Twistables?


24. DINNER!!


25. Where is his shoe?


26. I’m in the loo!


27. What do you mean a half day? You only started last week.


28. Where’s your washing basket?

 


29. What in hell has happened your sleeves?


30. Where is your hairband?


31. Say sorry to your sister.


32. They want how much?


33. Who owns this milk?


34. Do you think I’m made of money?


35. (On a Friday) Is that the same apple since Monday?


36. Another birthday party?


37. What do you mean you want to give up basketball? You just started it


38. Are all the baby wipes gone?

 


39. How do you mean you lost your jumper? I just bought it!


40. Where is the pain?


41. Lads, who left the bleeping markers out?


42. Have you got your coat?


43. Did you do the dishwasher?


44. Are you alright there in your shorts, it is bloody freezing.


45. Who ate my Galaxy?


46. You need 100 plastic bottles by the morning?


47. Just ignore her.

 

 

 


48. Will I stick something in their lunch box for Halloween for the laugh?


49. What do you mean you don't like yoga? You just started it.


50. No, I've no idea why he is screaming.


51. No, we cant put the Christmas tree up, its October.


52. Can someone get me a towel - he just got sick everywhere.


53. I don't know where the elf is.


54. What do you mean is it washed, did you give it to me to wash?


55. What time is it over?


56. Put on your hat.


57. No, you cant get a play-doh set for Christmas or glitter or shopkins or a drum kit.


58. Are all the bottle tops gone?


59. Take out the hoover for me there.


60. Who put a whistle in the party bag? 


61. Have you even changed your underwear today?


62. Did you go to the loo?


63. Take that recorder off him.


64. What’s wrong with you?


65. Close the door.


66. Get me a towel, now she is after getting sick everywhere.


67. Is the heating on?


68. What’s your sister got in her mouth?


69. If you are good we can.


70. I still don’t know where the blinking elf is.


71. Can you take down those Christmas decorations so I can put them up?


72. No, there are no onions in it.


73. It's called the Man Flu, girls.


74, Can you barricade the tree?


75, Yes it's my birthday, no I’m not 45.

 


76. A viral infection?


79. Can you turn off the light?


80. What time is that play on at?


81. Yes, I feel about 150.


82. No, I don't know how many hours until Santa gets here.


83. No, you cant change the list now.


84. If you don’t cop on you will be getting coal from Santa.


85. Did you get Calpol?


86. No, I didn’t get batteries for the toys, I thought you did.


87. What do you mean the toy show is boring?


88. Where am I going to get three shoeboxes for that collection tomorrow?


89. Can you keep an eye out when I take the stuff out?


90. What was that noise?


91. Who got you that?


92. Does everyone have turkey and ham?


93. No, you cant have pasta.


94. What do you mean you lost it? you only got it this morning.


95. No, you cant take all your toys with you to visit granny.


96. How many days left until they are back to school?


97. What are we doing for her 7th birthday?


98. What do you mean, another midterm?


99. Did you get a Valentine's cards for the kids?


100. Have you any green clothes that will fit them for Paddy’s Day?


101. How many Easter eggs does one child really need? 


102. Jesus Christ, the bikinis are out already.


103. I'd love a holiday.


104. Not a hope could I get on a plane with him.


105. We might do something next year.


106. I know its unfair.


107. Sure you have the whole summer off.


108. Did you hide those clues for the egg hunt?


109. When are they back to school?


110. Is it uniform or tracksuit today?

 

111. What is she doing for her 16th birthday?


112. They have another day off?


113. I don’t care what Mary's mother said.


114. How many weeks now until the summer holidays?


115. Have you still that same apple in the bag since September?


116. What are we going to do for his 4th birthday?


117. What is this green mouldy bag of dust in the front of your bag?


118. What is that smell?


119. What do you mean the shoes are too tight they will have to last you now til June.


120. Another copy? For what? You are finished next week.


121. Why don’t you want to go swimming?


122. More lice? Are they for real.


123. Have you a fiver for that birthday card?


124. It is always roasting when they are doing their exams.


125. Is that a hole in your pants? It will have to do until you are finished.


126. What did your last slave die of?


127. What did that apple ever do to you?


128. Have you your stuff for the tour?


129. No more school runs, lunches or uniforms now, thank god.


130. Do we have any paddling pool?


131. How do you mean the togs are too small?


132. Have we any Factor 50?


133. Can you take out that garden furniture?


134. Bring in those cushions it's raining.


135. When are they back to school again?

Lenore Collins is a Cork mother of five who writes about her 'manic journey of parenting' from infancy to teenage years with sarcasm and fantastic wit. She shares her experiences on the daily chaos of parenting as well as her journey with autism diagnosis.

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