So many things about body language can lead people to believe they are genuinely happy with life all round, like really happy. 

 

Never having a bad day, coming across lady luck, having the perfect family. It's all portrayed through a happy smile, a fabulous photo on social media, even the literal sense of telling everyone how things just couldn't get any better. 

 

But it's not true. Yes, people are happy to a sense, myself included. I have a precious little family unit, blessed with a daughter and good things in life come my way. 

 

Anxiety, however, can pull that rug fairly lively from under your feet. 

 

Years ago, I would have described myself as the quiet type. Barely a word spoken, barely ever stood up for myself. Worry was, and still is an enemy.

 

Something changed in me when I had my baby though. You enter this new world of well, a new you! 

 

When she arrived in this world it gave me a strength I didn't know I had, until I attempted going back to work that is. My baby didn't take to it at all, and I was an emotional wreck. 

 

Then on comes the creepy head of anxiety! One day I was in work, and I just had a full on anxiety attack. Scary, breathless, just a really horrible feeling.

 

Hadn't I already gotten over this?  Clearly not. 

 

These days you see, I love meeting new people, I like a chat, and feel confident doing so. Sure I get the jitters before meeting a new face but I manage to put it to the back of my head and have support in the form of my daughter. 

 

She is definitely the reason I get out as much as I do, it's sad to say but I feel like having her with me is my protection somehow. 

 

To the outside world I may seem carefree, happy beyond measure, but behind it all, you don't see the unnecessary worry, the late nights with silly scenarios rolling through my head. 

 

Fear of ringing up for that doctor's appointment in case I fall over my words, worry about if I'll get the small person to parent and toddler group in good time. 

 

It's just never-ending. But I know I need to be the best Mum I can be for my daughter, so I get to thankfully spend every day with her at home. 

 

That one big attack I had made me realise that my mental health was something money couldn't buy, and I now help myself every day, one step at a time.

 

Rachael enjoys personal blogging about her new journey as a mother and all things random in between.
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