You get picked on at school and it breaks your heart: A letter to my son

My son is being assessed for ASD - an assessment that has been ongoing for 18 months now. Whilst waiting for his assessment to be completed, we are in limbo. Words can't describe how much I feel for him, but I wrote him this note after spending yet another evening consoling him. 

My little man,

My heart aches to see you so sad.

As you know, we are all wired differently - and different isn't at all bad.

I wish everyone could just see - ones you know or have yet to meet - just how clever, funny and smart, how sensitive and sweet you are.

You get picked on at school, and it breaks your little heart.

I hold you tight, wipe your tears, but inside I'm crying too - I so wish it wasn't so hard for you.

How cruel is this world when you're really just trying, to fit in - you so long to belong

But you don't get the rules of the game, the words of the song - and they laugh when your thoughts come out wrong.

Because even though they are just seven-years-old, they can be mean, and careless and bold.

They can be intolerant , indifferent, unkind.

I wish they weren't, but my hands are tied - can't give them a piece of my mind.

I can't teach them tolerance, teach them to be kind. Can't speed up the system which has let us down, can't turn your frown upside down.

It's you and me against the world, buddy.

I promise I'll never let you down.

I'll always be the one person you can tell all, who will catch you whenever you fall - your biggest fan and ally, as well as your Mum.

Who will dry your tears and hold you tight, and promise you everything will be all right.

Yesterday, tomorrow and tonight, I wish I could take away your sorrow.

I wish I could help you take flight, wish we both could sleep soundly at night.

There's no crash course in flying - but I promise you don't have to do it alone.

I will always be by your side, come hail or rain, come day or night.

Until we have answers, we sit and we wait - for the opinions of others, however delayed.

We knock on doors, we hold on to each other,

We try to stay strong, to not let it bother.

But when you go to school,  I can't hold your hand.

Passed the gates, you're on your own - and powerless I stand.

I wish I could kiss it better, like when you were small.

I wish you didn't feel so misunderstood and left-out, above all.

I wish I had a magic wand, or superpowers,

Or the ability to influence the minds of others.

I wish...

I love you so much, and I'm so proud of you.


Camilla is 31 years old. She was born in The Netherlands, and raised between France & Ireland. She now lives in County Clare with her partner and four children aged 12, 10, 5 and 10 months. Follow her blog about her journey with diabetes.

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