We all love our little humans, but sometimes it's nice to think about life when a lie-in meant 11am not 8am.
Here are some simple things I can't help but miss since becoming a mum.
Wearing no bra
Simply throwing on a t-shirt was a pleasure I took for granted pre-baby. The phrase ‘calm your t*ts’ has a brand-new meaning post pregnancy. It means strapping them up in the most supportive bra (harness) you can find and hoping to God that they won’t escape.
Having a proper shower
It’s been a while since I could take my time in the shower. The in-and-out routine you develop when your little one is a spectator is almost impressive. Forget shaving your legs AND underarms in the one shower. Forget leaving your conditioner in for a recommended three minutes. Forget opening your pores. You’re lucky if you don’t discover shampoo suds in your hair when you brush it out later on.
Listening to MY music in the car
Post-kid, music was my life. Now, my kid is my life. Therefore, my kid gets to choose the music in the car for 90 percent of our car journeys. At least the Aladdin soundtrack is actually good, we were working with the Paw Patrol theme song and Baby Shark on a loop for the last few months.
I’m not going to pretend that I never swear. I just swear quietly now or get as far as the second letter of the word before altering it to something more G rated. I miss the freedom of expressing my self through language whenever I burnt toast or dropped a glass. However, my little one once said "Shut up" to me and it sounded so wrong that I now try my best never to utter words that do not appear in shows like Peppa Pig.
Watching TV shows with swearing in them
The first season of Game of Thrones was watched on the TV with the volume up on a Saturday afternoon. Last season of Game of Thrones was watched in the dead of the night (that’s 10pm or 11pm to us parents) on a laptop with poor sound quality through headphones. Enough said.
Remember when staying up late on a Saturday night was fine because you had the whole Sunday to recover? There was this thing called ‘sleeping in’ in which you stayed in bed past 8 am? That was pretty great. Bring that back please, thanks.
I was by no means a tidy person before my daughter was born. However, the majority of the time, my floor was visible. Now the only time I can actually see the floor of the sitting room is when I spend an hour looking for it amongst the LEGO, Pokémon teddies and stickers from pink-lady apples with which she has kindly decorated the floorboards.
Or actually, any non-stressful meal. Where all who dine manage not to complain about their food touching or the not-orange enough hue of their carrots. A meal where people don’t have to be made to eat or bribed into consuming a single pea. A dining experience that you can safely assume a change of clothes won’t be needed after it.
I know it’s been said so many times by so many mums but when the hell will I be able to drink my coffee straight after I make it? I’ve taken to just setting my mug down IN the microwave as soon as it's made and grabbing sips every few minutes...
What do you miss, mums?