Adopting a child can be a daunting task, for both the new parents and the child. For some top tips on easing everyone into the transition, read on…
Adoption is an amazing feat, and a fantastic way to improve the lives of everyone involved. That doesn’t mean that adopting a child won’t come with many challenges, for both the child and the new parents.
Whether it be adopting a child from abroad, adopting a child from an agency near you, or even adopting a stepchild, it can be overwhelming. If you’re on the hunt from some advice, then you came to the right place.
For our top tips on going ahead with adopting a child, don’t go anywhere…
Adopting a Child Starter Pack: Deciding to Go Ahead
Before we dive into the ten ways you can make your adopted child feel more at home, it’s important that you’re ready to adopt in the first place. Some important elements of your own life that you must think about before taking the plunge are as follows:
- Consult a child law expert for some child law advice to make the transition as easy as possible.
- Get hold of some childcare experience, whether it be through children of your own, getting involved with the children in your local community, or babysitting for long periods of time.
- If you’re adopting a child with your partner, ensure the relationship has a solid foundation.
- Don’t ignore the child’s previous history and be open to discussing their birth parents if they want to talk about it.
- Remember that there is no timeline with you and your adopted child’s progress. Setting unachievable expectations can lead to disappointment and hurt the budding relationship more.
- Make sure to listen to your adopted child.
- Be prepared to tell the child they’re adopted, at some point.
- Take the advice given to you by the agency and trust them to help you.
- Be ready to be there for the child’s entire life, through thick and thin.
10 Ways to Make Your Adopted Child Feel at Home
Now we’ve gone through the top tips to remember before going ahead with an adoption, what about once you’ve bought your child home with you? The following ten top tips should help you out with some answers…
1. Communicate and Listen to Them
The first, and most important, way to make your adopted child feel at home is communication. Make sure you listen to them and ask them about themselves, so they feel attended to. After all, honesty is the best policy, and trust is one of the key methods to help your adopted child feel at home.
2. Tailor Their Environment to Them
If you can, providing your adopted child, if they’re a little older, with a space just for themselves is key. Again, this will be an overwhelming time, and smothering them could have the opposite affect than intended.
So how can you go about this?
Well, letting them decorate their own room could be a great start. Let them pick out the colours of their walls and duvet, giving them a space just for them. Even something as simple as having their name on their bedroom could help them to feel as though they’re a permanent fixture in your home.
3. Create a Routine
An adopted child will have likely experienced a lot of past trauma and disruption in their life. Because of this, it’s important that they receive some sort of routine as soon as they reach your home. This way, they can start settling in without any sort of further disturbance.
This can be done through setting up ground rules from the start. You could even get them involved in planning this routine, so it doesn’t feel so regimented and forced. Some ideas for these rules include:
- A usual bedtime;
- A designated homework time each day;
- An alarm to wake up every morning;
- A set time for TV every day;
- Chores and pocket money.
Naturally, you don’t want to be too restrictive, so be prepared for wriggle room as and when it’s necessary. That said, by sticking to these rules and regulations from the start, clear boundaries can be set, promoting minimal disturbance to the child.
This sort of predictability will also help to build trust, which is the foundation of any good relationship. What’s more, by including the child in household tasks, like washing the dishes and cooking dinner, this should help them feel like part of the family.
4. Spend a Few Weeks with Them
Professionals within the business recommend that you spend the first few weeks with your adopted child, just you and them. Book a few weeks off work to allow you and the child to bond, taking some trips and adventures, even if it’s just a long walk, along the way. Use this chance to get to know more about them and find out their likes and dislikes.
What’s important is that they spend time acclimatising to their surroundings, without too much outside interference. So, don’t take them with you to get the groceries, or anywhere where you may bump into someone you know. You don’t want them to be smothered too early on.
5. Get a Pet
Obviously, this top tip depends greatly on your capabilities, your home and surroundings, and your adopted child’s preferences. That said, getting a pet around the same time as the adopted child can be a great icebreaker. It can really help them to feel like they have a companion that understands, in some way, what they’re going through.
6. Observe Their Religions and Beliefs
In some cases, you may end up adopting a child with a different belief to you. Try to understand these beliefs and cater for them in every way you can. Again, this is where top tip number one – communication – comes in handy.
7. Make Sure You Know Any Days That Are Special to Them
For your adopted child, there may be certain key dates that stand out to them; perhaps the date of a birth parent’s death or a birthday. Whatever it may be, communicate with them, listen to what they have to say, and observe these days in a way that suits your child.
8. Try Not to Take Your Adopted Child’s Actions to Heart
The transition period may well be a rocky time for everyone, which will likely come with nasty words, slammed doors, and tears. Just remember that this isn’t your child rejecting you, but a way for them to express their fear and anger. This happens with all children, whether you bare them yourself or not, so just learn to help them get through these emotions by letting them know you’re there for them.
9. Don’t Worry About Forming Good Habits Just Yet
When a new child comes into the picture, especially a young baby, it can seem natural to initiate routines from the beginning. That said, when adopting, it can be overwhelming for everyone involved, so attempting to quash bad habits from the start can be a little extreme.
In fact, if you start to do this from the beginning, for example ignore the child when they’re crying, this could backfire. The child needs to know that you’re there for them, so tending to their every need during the first few weeks is okay.
10. Love Them
Our last top tip is to show your adopted child that you love them. All it takes is giving them attention here and there, some acts of kindness and devotion, and some empathy. This should come through following our previous top tips above.
Is Adopting a Child Your Next Step?
Adopting a child, as we’ve seen, can be daunting. However, that doesn’t mean it’s impossible and, with time, patience, and love, you should make your new family member feel right at home.
So, now that you’ve read our top tips for choosing to adopt, and for making your adopted child feel at home, could this be your next step?
If you’ve adopted a child and have something to add, or you have any more questions about what to expect when adopting, then leave a comment below. We look forward to hearing what you have to say!
