I had a conversation with my sister-in-law recently.


She had been in work talking about the Red Hot Chilli Peppers looking for common ground with younger women. I thought to myself surely alcohol is a much easier topic but she’s Canadian, God love her. She still tries to make an effort with people.


Anyway, she had been to see the Chillies in 1994. The ‘girls’ then informed her that in 1994 they weren’t even born. What a pack of bitches, obviously deciding to be born at the end of the 90s just so they could meet her one day and rub it in her stupid old face. Surely with all that tight skin and fast metabolisms they’d have no problem finding something more entertaining to do with their time?


I started to hear a similar conversation in regards primary school teachers only being 'young wans' in a bit of a dismissive way. ‘Sure, she’s only a child herself’. ‘ She looks like she just out of school herself.’



But I say, thank god that my son’s teacher is a 'young wan'. I don’t see how you could do that job and not be bright eyed and bushy tailed.  We should be applauding our young women, not sneering at them because of their youth. What’s the option anyway? Homesvchooling? 


And they are on to us. They are getting their revenge. That’s the only reason I can fandom why they are giving us homework under the guise that it’s for our children. These are clever women. You keep bitching and they’re going to keep giving4-year-olds work they know you’ll have to end up doing. Homework in Junior Infants is new to me. Perhaps it started when teachers got wind of parents setting up Whatsapp groups. Sweet revenge.


Dressing up in school for World Book Day started the same week many years ago when someone made a complaint that my daughters class was getting too much homework from an ‘unexperienced teacher’. Coincidence? I think not.


That pain in the hole should of taught us all a lesson. Keep schum, or we’ll be getting long division with a remainder in Senior Infants.


While you’re busying rubbing Oil of Olay into your head and having an earlier night because of your bad back, these wans are hatching plans. Respect.

My name is Emma Doran and I’m a comedian. I live in Dublin with my partner Shane and our 3 children. Ella 14, Joe 4 and Tommy 2. We have 2 dogs Twiggy and Stan (mother and son). We also have a cat Coco that stops by now and then but Stan fancies her so it’s a whole thing now.

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