For all those mommas out there looking to become pregnant soon, I would like to share with you some thoughts of a seven-month pregnant woman. 

 

 

Although this is a wonderful time, it’s not always as ‘wonderful’ as they say it should be.  There seems to be some kind of 'secret code' among woman who have been pregnant where everything is fantastic and you can sit back and eat chocolate all day while getting foot rubs from your amazing hubby!

 

 

Never having to clean a shower or cook a meal the whole time.  Laughing with your friends about the odd cravings you have and how hubby runs to the petrol station at all hours of the night to cater for them. I just want to tell you the truth now, because when you announce you're pregnant, your friends will have to be all 'oh wow congratulations / it's such a special time / it's just the best feeling in the world / It's the most important job I've ever done/insert another cliché here). It's only fair that I dispel some of those myths as no one told me.

 



1. Feeling the baby kicking – meant to just feel magical, I disagree.  I know I will have lost a few of you here, scrolling down to the bottom to leave a comment about how bad a mother I am going to be blah blah… The truth is, yes, the first few times it does indeed feel very special if you can get past the image of having another human inside you. Trust me though it tires easily. Just think if I were to follow you around all day prodding you in the stomach, you'd soon tire of it - am I wrong?


 

2. Money, tough one - at some point, or for part of the time, I am aware that I will be completely reliant on my husband for money.  At present we combine our funds together and 'sharing' at present works well for us as we both work (I also have the comfort of knowing that I can skim a bit of my wages off the top before ‘sharing’ it and he’ll be none the wiser – though I only ever to it to buy him nice presents – honest!) However, in a few months time when it comes down to the last fifty bucks in our 'joint' account and he wants a night out and I want to get my hair done. Who do you reckon will 'deserve' it the most, the one who makes the money or not?



3. Putting on weight - not such a big deal. You're gonna put on weight, then you're gonna lose it, no problem. Unexplained sudden cellulite - big problem. I thought I had a massive mosquito bite on my leg and when I looked in the mirror to check, a big huge lump of cellulite had appeared from nowhere! I've been exercising for goodness sake.

4. Friends - no one invites you places anymore! Ok, so I can't very well be getting pissed and dancing on the stage in nightclubs as I have been partial too, but can I partake in an evening out in a quiet pub? Yes, I can.



5. Hunger, ah so eat a bar of chocolate, ok, don't mind if I do, but hey, wait a minute, I've no room in my stomach for this chocolate so it'll just sit in my throat and give me heartburn until I turn round too fast and have to run to the toilet to puke!



6. Sleeping - Impossible. Too hot take the duvet off, too cold, put the air con off – hubby wakes up, tells me off for taking up too much of the bed - uh yeah, I’ve doubled in size! Get up to pee, hubby tells me off for not flushing the toilet the next day, flush the toilet every time I use it the next night which is every two hours and get told off for that. Lie on my back, get the air cut off and can't breathe, lie on my stomach - oh wait I need the toilet. Lie away from hubby- he thinks I’m in a mood, lie facing him - he thinks I want sex.



7. Dropping things - have to carefully consider what other options are available before I make the effort to pick something up, can it wait? Can I grab it with my toes? Can I leave it? Will someone else get it for me? When I have to pick something up it’s a bit of a production, crouch down and there is a chance my knees will give in before I make it back up, bend over and my boobs hit my face and suffocate me, despite having purchased a nine hook, £65, reinforced maternity bra!

 

 

8. Unexplained anger and jealousy – on my way to work last week I saw my beautiful friendly neighbour out running to maintain her gorgeous post – pregnancy figure.  I, looking like crap after another awful nights sleep, soon realise that I’ve started driving towards her.  When friendly, beautiful neighbour gives a friendly wave, I feel like putting my foot on the accelerator! (Though, did not of course).  Yep, apparently, that is the punishment for her looking better than me!

 

 

9. Forgetfulness – Taking a trip into my favourite clothes shop yesterday I realise that it has been so long since I have bought anything from there and proceed to start collecting all the beautiful dresses in a size ten.  I figure since I haven’t bought anything in a while, then if they fit I will treat myself to them all.  Turn into the changing room, catch sight of myself in the mirror and realise WHY I haven’t bought anything in a while – oh yeah, oops, I’ve forgotten I’m pregnant! Not a chance these size tens will fit me! Truth be told, it is a bit of a stretch of the imagination that they would have fit seven months ago either!



Just so you know, I have had a really easy pregnancy with no complications or major symptoms.  I’m happy to be pregnant and can’t wait to meet our baby when he/she gets here.  It’s just a long LONG nine months.
 

Katie lives in Glasgow, Scotland with her funny and energetic daughters. She is a freelance writer and aspiring novelist, as well as barista as back up job in case she decides she doesn't like writing in third person any more. You can enjoy her adventures of travelling as a single parent here.

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