Instructions are NOT included when your little one arrives into your life.
Muddling through motherhood is a rite of passage. There are no medals, no degree or qualification when you finish your task, which never really ends at all! The reward is so much more - the production of a bone fide, useful and pleasant member of society. Easy peasy...
Although you have days where your toddler seems more feral than friendly, and your tween prefers listening to music over mum's voice, we are here to tell you it eventually all pays off.
Some day soon, on possibly the 45,300th time you ask your child NOT to jump on the couch, he will stop. In the near future, your three-year-old will suddenly stop peeing on your IKEA rug, and before you know it, your little princess will say 'thank you' unprompted and you will almost fall off your stool.
Here are some of the parenting courses we WISH existed to make this whole parenting thing that bit easier:
1. Baby Economics
How are we supposed to afford creche AND highlights every month? This course would whip even the most financially-backwards of us into shape when it comes to baby. It may also help greatly when you are standing in the baby aisle of the supermarket trying to calculate which deal on baby wipes is the most economical, or if you should buy in bulk (after circa 3 hours and 14 minutes of sleep).
2. Cooking....with one hand
No matter how well we plan our meal prep around nap time or school, inevitably we end up jiggling a fussy child while trying to cook rice. Naturally, it will also be cold once we sit down to eat it, or more realistically, as we stand and shovel it in before the next live episode of 'how I'll strangle my brother'.
3. Engineering for...stuff
Every parent needs a degree in engineering to assemble some of the prams, monitors and baby apparatus that have crossed our paths. One birthday, we were up until 2 am trying to put together a child's kitchen, which is why I have taken to begging shops to sell me the display units. Amirite?
4. Marriage counselling for the sleep-deprived
Perhaps this course should be called 'how NOT to bang a door when the baby has just fallen asleep'. If this existed I would have sent my partner to it years ago. Learning how to bite your tongue when you are both just getting used to things is a true art form. Part of this course should also be handing out charts of appropriate phrases men should say to their partners after having a baby. 'You are amazing', 'No, you don't look huge, you just grew a human' and 'Let me get you a cup of tea and feed you chocolate for the next 20 minutes'. I'd sign up to that.
5. How not to laugh when the kids do something adorable
I was following every word as my son described the life cycle of his new pet caterpillar, until the part when it turned into a racoon. Huh? The little love meant 'cocoon', but I failed to hide my giggles and his little face fell. I need an intense study course on how to keep a straight face when it comes to cute moments like this. My six-year-old daughter also patiently explained to my husband and I that Disneyland only cost €25 and we almost crashed the car laughing.
6. Crisis Managment
Only one wipe left and a major downward explosion? Not a bother. Caught baby licking the wheel of the pram? No problemo. Your 12-year-old will only speak to you in emojis? Got it. I am calling, nay, DEMANDING a course in how to be calm under pressure. Husband left wet towels on the bed AGAIN? Dig those nails into your palms and stay serene....this too shall pass.
7. The MummyPages Masterclass
Navigating those choppy waters of parenthood isn't for the fainthearted. So we came up with a GENIUS masterplan...or better, a masterCLASS! We've designed a comprehensive, first-of-its-kind parenting course taking place on October the 21st in Citywest Hotel in Co Dublin to tackle all the tricky issues (from babyhood to school days) that will help you perfect your role as parent, mentor, cook, coach, nurse, driver, LEGO engineer, cheerleader, translator, champion cuddler, referee.....well, you get the picture.
We are delighted to have Dr. Elizabeth Kilbey, the child psychologist from the hit Channel 4 TV show, The Secret Life of 4, 5 & 6-year-olds, as our keynote speaker. We have LOADS of practical workshops including a paediatric First Aid Course, sleep training and weaning/feeding tips, a parenting coach, a bullying expert and mental health professionals. We'll also lay on a delicious lunch, practical workshops and a whole lot of Q&A.
Places are limited as demand is high but click HERE for details!
Learn how to be more calm and confident parent, how to foster a close bond with and between your children, manage challenging behaviours and promote social and emotional skills that will help your little ones at school and throughout their lives.
After all, when it comes to raising these little humans, we never really stop learning along the way.
Bring your friends, your sisters or your partner. Availability is on a first come, first serve basis. Click here for more details
