Sometimes it feels like this little human was sent to me to teach me all of life's lessons that I needed to learn.
Of course, I don't really believe that. She's her own person and is here to fulfil her own potential and live in her own truth whatever that may be.
It's just that sometimes it feels like she is my little teacher. My little Buddha baby. Mini guru. My little wise one. Good thing too because some lessons I am so slow to learn and need reminding over and over again. Things that keep cropping up. Lessons that seem to say, 'hello! I don't think you've actually learned me yet!'. Or, 'Oi you! You've forgotten about me!'
One thing I am learning is to trust. To trust fully and deeply and really. Trust me, trust her, trust other people. Trust in all of life ups and downs and sidesteps. Trust in the universe and all of its processes.
Here's how it goes. Every so often I start to worry. I start to ask 'why?' Why is she crying? Why is she not sleeping? Why is she eating so little or so much? Why is she unsettled or making strange? Sometimes I start to panic. I feel anxious. I start to think that there's something wrong. Something is off. Is this a bad habit? Is this normal? Is this just me? Is this my fault?
And every single time, she teaches me to trust.
Trust that she will eat when she is hungry. Trust that she will sleep when she is tired. Trust her when she cries and protests and smiles and laughs. Trust her to let me know when she needs me and when she needs space. Trust that she knows her own limits and knows her own mind. Trust that everything is a phase and everything is a process and everything makes sense. Maybe not now, maybe not to me, but it does make sense. Trust that she will do what she needs to do when she is damn well ready to do it.
Often I don't trust at the time. I forget the lesson and doubt creeps in and I feel uncertain. Will she really grow out of this? Is she really OK? Is this really a phase or will this last forever and ever? And every single time when the thing has had the chance to unfurl in the fullness of time, the lesson is this. I should have trusted her all along. That girl knows what she is doing.
I hope you can relate to these feelings.