Does any baby really sleep through the night?
I can’t imagine how that works. Even when my child is technically asleep, she babbles all night, coughs, tosses, turns, cries out, suddenly wakes and is ready for a brand-new day at 4am. Familiar much?
I'm talking about when you are past the newborn stage - you have a walking, almost talking, little person that is suddenly the biggest night owl in the house.
If you are lucky enough to have a magical sleeping baby every night - congratulations. You must have had a special visit from the sleep fairy.
For the rest of us, we are hoping she grants us a wish or two when it comes to surviving the chaos of mombie (mum-zombie) life.
1. They tell me my baby ‘should' sleep
The word should makes me mad. Anyone who tells you your baby should be sleeping through the night, as you serve them cake at her 1st birthday, can leave without a party-bag.
The problem is that it insinuates that it’s something you are doing wrong. Any parent who had one baby who slept and one who didn’t is proof that this is not the case.
Kids are different. Justice will be served when the baby who gave you a hard time will be an angel of a teenager, because...karma.
2. Even if they sleep, you don't
If you end up with a squishy bundle in your bed four nights a week, you might actually miss baby when she's not there. Not just emotionally, but you may wake up anyway, thinking your baby is with you. You know that feeling of panic, and then a wave of relief when you remember that she’s asleep in her own cot, like the part-time angel she is? This is also annoying because it means that even the nights she decides to give you a few winks, your own mummy-clock is laughing at you.
3. The night-time doubts
The thing about night-time parenting is that you are not in your normal state of mind. The lack of sleep can cause some interesting thoughts to fill your exhausted mind. Am I good enough? Am I doing this right? You are filled with self-doubt as you rub your baby's tummy to sleep. You replay EVERY decision you made that day. Did you make the right decisions? Is her lack of sleeping all your fault?
Come morning, you are back to laughing at your ridiculousness (while inhaling coffee). I mean singing incy-wincy spider instead of ba-ba black sheep to her is not really going to change her life plan for the worse. Is it?
Waking up to a gurgling grinning little cutie helps. It is an entirely different child to the squawking creature you dealt with last night.
4. You are trapped in Zombie land
It's like being a bit tipsy, but not in a good way. You nod when people speak, but nothing goes in. You forget where you left EVERYTHING. You binge on food to satisfy cravings. You scoff what's left of your baby's dinner, (even if it's been in her mouth twice).
You dress how you feel, even for work. There's sick and food in your hair and you don't even notice or care. You can always just baby wipe yourself down at some stage. (We have all done this.)
You giggle fanatically at things, cry if someone brings you something. Within minutes, you are panicking about how you'll get through during the day. You feel guilty when you should feel so lucky. You miss your baby if you work. You wish you could hand her back to the stork if you don't (I've tried both). Let's be honest, the only things keeping you going are those pudgy cheeks and the sound of that laugh!
5. The realisation
Then you have moments of perfect clarity. Moments where you look at this little baby and know that nothing else matters. You would do anything for them - even sleep torture for the next five years. You watch as they sleep (finally) safe in your arms. Finally, time to sleep while baby sleeps, you think to yourself. But then another ten minutes pass, another 15 and you are still mesmerised by their perfect face, their soft skin and their springy curls. You are lost in the deliciousness of them. You gently stroke their little chubby fingers and pull the blanket back over their toes and finally get some rest for yourself.
6. This too shall pass
Now that my daughter is almost two, I have a system. I know when her cries are the kind that need to be answered instantly. I totally admit I have given up, meaning I have given in. I throw teddies at her, take her PJs off, put them back on and I am her water carrier (two-year-olds are ALWAYS thirsty).
She comes into the bed whenever she feels like it and the cuddles last all night if she wants.
She now sleeps better, though I know she should (the dreaded should) be sleeping more. But I don’t care. My daughter is the happiest bunny, the coolest dude and (if I may say so) the brightest button I could have asked for. The night-parenting I used to shame myself for, is something I now know has given me strength.
So, if your child sleeps through the night before their second birthday, that’s wonderful - you are one of the lucky ones. But if they don’t, do not blame yourself. You are doing your best and your baby will benefit from your efforts.
This is hard but it is so, so worth it. You are doing great, mums. We all are.
Next mission, potty-training.
