What mums say and what they mean are often two different things. Is it lying? Nope! It's a way of maintaining our sanity. 


Well, that's our story and we're sticking to it.


amyschumerhbo  funny hbo smiling amy schumer


1. “We’ll see.”

We’ll never see. I will pretend this conversation never happened until you bring it up again. And when you do I will once again say, “We’ll see.”


2. “Let’s play the get ready for bed in two minutes flat game!”

Please, please, please get ready for bed without a fuss. I’m on my period, I’m bloated, I’m exhausted and I just want a glass of wine. 


3. “You picked that outfit all by yourself! Wow!”

Oh God please don’t let her teacher think I dressed her.


4. “Maybe.”

Hahaha not snowball’s chance in hell of that happening. No way, no how. A big fat whopping NO.


no maya rudolph never no way snl


5. “Ooh really? Very good.”

Mammy is trying to read about Brad and Angelina’s sex life in Heat magazine pet so please hush.


6. “Ask your father.”

If this goes wrong I want the responsibility to be on him.


7. “Mammy’s tired love.”

I had the day from hell. My skirt was stuck in my tights so everyone in work saw my bum. I had a fight with your father. The traffic was mental and I whacked the mirror off someone’s car.


girl beach kid tired sleepy


8. “That’s why!”

I can’t think of a good enough reason why I’m saying no but I don’t want to lose this battle and relinquish my parental control.


9. “Your father and I dated for a year before we even kissed.”

Your father and I dated for an hour before we even kissed.


9. “Darling it’s cold out. Wear an extra cardigan.”

If you get sick I’m screwed because work is CRAZY at the moment.


10. “Call me if you need anything.”

But don’t call me if you need money.


The Girlfriend Experience friends sad angry money


Can you relate mums? What gems do you tell your kids for a quiet life? We'd love to hear them!