These are seven ways that you can use to get your partner to be a better, more involved dad:
Try to see things from your partner's point of view. More than likely he is comparing his performance and involvement against that of his own father, or to co-workers and friends who are dads too. If you try to use the same standards on your partner as you do on yourself, your child's father will not measure up. Your partner is comparing himself to other men using a completely different standard so he feels he is doing just fine.
Recognise that men and women have different standards and that there are no absolutely right ways for everything, such as changing nappies, playing and teaching. Adjusting your standards to those of your partner shouldn't be detrimental to your child in any way. There are many different ways of doing things and your way isn't necessarily the correct way.
Men do tend to think of themselves as “assistants” when it comes to child care. This attitude needs a rethink and mothers need to re-evaluate what they expect from their partners. You shouldn’t ask for help from your partner – this suggests that you carry all the responsibility – rather, you should insist that he does his share of the work in child care.
Men do not like feeling incompetent when carrying out tasks. Men also really enjoy compliments for work well done, so be sure to thank your partner – even if the work wasn't done perfectly.
Allow your partner to figure out solutions to child care problems for himself, even if you already know the answer. Men and women have different ways of doing the same thing; your partner needs to develop confidence by being actively involved on a regular basis.
Your partner should know that you cannot do everything yourself and that you do need him to do his share of the work. If he knows you have limitations, he will be more diligent about pulling his weight in the home.
When assigning responsibilities, make sure that you and your partner know what “work” is defined as. Household chores and parenting involve different amounts of actual work, depending on the nature of the task or responsibility. Try trading responsibilities for an evening; this will ensure that the real work load is divided up evenly.