What became of your sweet little daughter who always gave you a hug every time you came in the door? Now, she seems to spend her time slamming doors, talking back and even the occasional outburst of, “I hate you...you never listen to me”. You child is a tween and is dealing with new emotions. The trick as a parent is to try to guide her towards how to act appropriately and how to control her anger and frustration.
Here are some tried and tested tips designed to help you handle your disrespectful tween:
Know why she's disrespectful
The majority of the time, your tween just doesn’t know how to deal with anger and frustration. She won’t understand that in the long run, it’s better to get the homework over with rather than go out and leave it to the last minute. She will want and expect immediate fun and gratification and will consider you the object standing in her way. This is combined with the fact that tweens think that they and their friends know best. Deep down however, they know that mum and dad really do know best. This confusion can be frustrating for your tween and guess what? You’re the person that they will take it out on.
Know who she is disrespecting
It’s one thing for your tween to be disrespectful towards a parent but it’s another thing to be disrespectful towards a teacher or another adult outside the immediate family. Parents often get a raw deal and that’s ok to a certain extent. If your tween is disrespectful to other authority figures, this can be problematic and you might want to make sure that your tween understands that this behaviour is never acceptable, will not be tolerated and that there will be consequences.
Know that physical force is not an option
Even if your child lashes out and tries to hit you, don’t retaliate. You should instead, tell your tween to go to her room and have a “time-out” to think about her actions.
Know how to handle your tween when she is being disrespectful
If your tween is disrespectful to you, take a deep breath. If she’s shouting or swearing at you, stand back and say, "I know you are angry, but you need to calm down. Why don't you go into your room and think about what you are saying to me?” It’s important not to get into a screaming match as this just makes things worse and you may say something that you regret later on.
Know when to get professional help
If these episodes become more frequent and are extremely disruptive to your family and your relationship with your child, you may wish to consider professional help in the form of a child psychologist or social worker. Having an outsider step in may help you handle the volatile situation and may uncover the reasons why your child is behaving this way.
Read more: How to pick your battles with your tween
