When you’re a new parent, you’re probably tired, stressed, a little overwhelmed and even a little bit scared. It’s no wonder that many new mums (and quite a few dads) don’t feel ready to start having sex soon after their babies are born. You may be worried about pain or discomfort, and you might be wondering if it’s normal.
The good news is that it is. The first few weeks and months after a new baby is born are some of the toughest you’ll ever have and it’s perfectly normal not to feel like sex. However, there will come a time when you and your partner will want to resume your sex life, and then, it’s a matter of finding the time.
The first thing you need to remember is that you need to take it slow. You and your partner’s concerns about pain, and everything else, are normal, and you might not both be ready at the same time. Try to empathise, and when you do get around to having sex again, remember to use lubricant – childbirth and breastfeeding can cause vaginal dryness, which can make sex painful.
A good idea is to talk about sex. Even a brief conversation during the day can make all the difference, and make you both look forward to having sex more. You also want to make sure that your new responsibilities (and the shift in the old ones) don’t interfere with your sex life. If your days are taken over by childcare, and your nights are spent catching up on washing, you’ll never have time for sex! Put off the things that aren’t essential, and do them tomorrow.
You may also find that your new schedule means that having sex only at night is no longer an option. If that’s the case then find times that do work. That hour that your baby is napping, or a few minutes in the morning or afternoon can be all you need, so be on the lookout for opportunities.
Finally, remember that even if you’re breastfeeding, you can get pregnant, so make sure that while you’re making time for sex, you’re also remembering the contraception.