Frank Sinatra comes on and Chris jumps out of his chair, eyes lit up and he starts to croon alongside his idol. He smiles as he sings, happily remembering the words, reliving his youth. 'He's a showman at heart, always has been,' says his daughter Elaine, proudly.
But Chris is trapped in his past. He is living with Alzheimer's, and it is getting worse.
"Initially it was smaller memory issues, he lost his keys, he was confused about bin day," explains Elaine. 'Then the behavioural issues crept in. He'd lack emotion, he'd hide his wallet under his pillow because he was afraid it would get stolen. Mum would send him to the shop for milk and bread and he'd come back with ham and cheese. He started getting lost when he went out and it was then that we knew there was something really serious going on."
The family were also coming to terms with their mother's diagnosis of breast cancer.
"It was really isolating on mum to come home and not even be asked how the chemo went. Once, early on, dad brought her to the hospital and the next morning couldn't remember where she was. He called us in a panic. We called the police because mum wasn't answering her phone. It was so scary. She finally rang back and we realised where she was. Dad was in the other room with his head in his hands crying and saying 'why can't I remember'. It was heartbreaking to watch.
As well as memory loss, symptoms include confusion with time or place, difficulty communicating, issues with problem-solving, and behaviour changes. Elaine says that the way their Dad's diagnosis was handled was extremely insensitive:
"My mum, dad and I all sat down and the doctor asked what the issue was? Dad was in denial saying 'what are you on about' when I said he was having memory problems. Mum was crying. It was awful. We got a leaflet and 'off you go'. Nowhere to go, nothing to hold onto. We were told he had cognitive impairment and couldn't drive. That was the extent of his care. Try telling a man who doesn't think there is anything wrong not to drive. We had to hide keys and everything. We felt all alone dealing with this.
Elaine says their situation is not too dissimilar to many others:
"Most agree that the information from the Alzheimer's Society is pretty and very extensive, but it is complete overload when you are in shock and not sure of what lies ahead. And many, like my mum, don't want to read about awaits them down the tracks. If you want respite care, you have to book 6-8 months in advance. If my mum had an accident, dad would have nowhere to go. One of us could move in - but we have young families, you can pay privately of course, but the point is that there is no proper system. Putting someone with early stages of the disease in with those at the end stages is just cruel and really inappropriate for everone."
That's why Elaine and a friend, Fiona Lang decided to set up the Greystones Memory Lane Musical Group.
"Those living with the disease usually get to a happy oblivion. It is the carers and families that need the support. It is so isolating for a woman like my mum to see her life partner, father of her children slowly disappear in front of her eyes. She gets a few hours a week respite when Dad goes to his 'retirement club' in St Josephs in Shankhill but still has to deal with everything else that comes with this diagnosis. All their conversations are about the past. It is a cruel, cruel disease. At least with the music society, everyone can have a cup of tea and a biscuit and feel like they are not completely alone."
Elaine says she loves that the music brings out 'her old dad'.
"It is amazing to see him light up when the music comes on. Although this is a difficult situation, he is now incontinent and shuffles as his spacial awareness is not good, I have to say that I actually feel closer to my dad because of his illness. He is more affectionate than he used to be. I see a vulnerability in him that I'm very protective over. He hugs more often. Sometimes, I never want to let go."
If you want to find out more information on Dementia and Alzheimer's, a new campaign called Understanding Together has been launched to offer more support and to increase understanding for those living with dementia.
Dementia is not a normal part of ageing ̶ 9 out of 10 people over 65 do not have dementia. Two-thirds of people living with dementia in Ireland are women. One in 10 people diagnosed with dementia are under 65. Over 180,000 people in Ireland are either currently, or have been, carers for a family member or partner with dementia.
