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My heart will never be whole: Kirsty-Leigh Porter pens letter to late-daughter Penny

Kirsty-Leigh Porter has penned the most emotional letter to her late daughter Penny-Leigh.

The mum recently shared that her daughter was born stillborn.

Speaking about the traumatic loss, the Hollyoaks star said she had to write something for her little girl, especially after so many mums and dads shared similar stories with her.


A post shared by Kirsty-Leigh Porter  (@kirststarburst) on

“I am posting this with strength that our babies will not be forgotten. I am posting this with the strength of every single person who has messaged me who understands what it’s like, in the hope that you understand you are not alone. And I am here for you. I wrote this when I had just lost my baby girl Penny-Leigh,” she wrote.

“My heart physically aches, it is in a million pieces and whilst they try to find their way back together it’s no use as my heart will never be whole again, because when you left, a big piece of it left with you and will always be with you wherever you are,” Kirsty shared.

“Nothing makes sense anymore because I can’t hold you in my arms. I don’t get to see your first smile, your first wriggle, I don’t get to dress you, change your nappy, feed you, bath you, kiss you goodnight and hug you in the morning, watch you take your first steps, watch you grow, But I will always be your mummy.

“I will always do you proud. As unbelievable grief consumes me and this dark cloud sticks above me, I still have your light to guide me. The brightest star in the sky. Oh my darling Penny-Leigh, my beautiful little girl, You came into our life like a whirlwind and now all of sudden it’s gone,” the mum continued.


A post shared by Kirsty-Leigh Porter  (@kirststarburst) on

“Quiet and still, completely numb. All our plans, our future, snatched away in a moment that we can never go back too and change. My mind can’t comprehend how I have given birth yet my baby is not here with me. How is that ok? How is that ever going to be ok? People say “she was too good for this earth” but that would mean there was a reason you are not still here with your mummy and daddy, and I don’t think there is any reason for it,” the actress continued.


A post shared by Kirsty-Leigh Porter  (@kirststarburst) on

“How can being anywhere but in our arms better for you? With the overwhelming grief comes GUILT. If I’m not a heap on the bathroom floor hiding myself away crying, I am wondering aimlessly around the room with GUILT,” she concluded.

We can’t even begin to imagine the pain Kirsty-Leigh is experiencing at this harrowing time.




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