According to The Independent, an online forum, which looked at the most psychologically damaging things you can say to a child, has sparked considerable discussion among the parenting community who debated the ways in which a parent can inadvertently do so.
With numerous internet users proffering personal anecdotes and drawing on their own experience as both a parent and a child, it is perhaps unsurprising to learn that reaching a resolute conclusion with regards this complex issue is far from easy.
Shedding light on the matter for those concerned with the impact of their words, Dr Matt Woolgar of the Institute of Psychiatry, Psychology & Neuroscience at King's College London asserted that it's important to clarify what is meant by the word 'damage'.
"You can certainly say things that hurt a child and contribute to their development of self-concept. But you’re not going to say one thing that is going to scar them neurobiologically," Dr. Woolgar asserted.
In an effort to ascertain how certain exchanges may affect your child, Dr. Woolgar, who works with families for the South London and Maudsley NHS Foundation Trust, reminded parents of the importance of distinguising between siblings.
"One or two siblings might be absolutely fine with the throwaway comments parents say, but one might find it quite damaging and it will get below their defences," he explains while simultaneously reminding parents that such a response should not necessarily be a matter for concern.
Highlighting the multi-faceted nature of such a response, Dr. Woolgar explained: "The evidence is that being sensitive can mean a child is also quite responsive to positive things."
Elaborating on this theory, Dr. Sam Wass a developmental psychologist based at the University of East London and Cambridge University, made reference to studies conducted by Dr. Megan Gunnars who asserted there exists 'dandelion' and 'orchid' children who display very different response to their respective environments.
According to the findings, a 'dandelion' child will flourish regardless of whether they grow up in a supportive or non-supportive home while 'orchid' children thrive when in a supportive environment but suffer considerably in unsupportive surrounds.
Placating parents who may be concerned by the effect certain exchanges could have had on their offspring, Dr. Woolgar reminds us to use our child's personality as a tool to understand their potential reactions.
"The key task of parenting is understanding what your child is like and be tuned in to them. You would hope people are sensitive enough to notice the impact they’re having on a child," he surmises.
Both Dr. Woolgar and Dr. Wass are, however, keen to stress that is it highly unlikely a child will suffer psychological damage unless they are subject to periods of significant and prolonged stress, with Dr. Woolgar urging parents: "Trust your instincts about what you know about your child."
"You will always be saying things that aren’t helpful, but you’ll hopefully be saying more things that are helpful," he insists "You can't be a perfect parent."
