Working full-time while also keeping things ticking over at home is a way of life for many families; it is a true reflection of today’s living that resonates with the majority of parents and children – a reality that can often overwhelm us as we balance a working schedule, being present for our children, while also managing the challenges of parenting.
I spend a lot of my working time with parents in their workplace, their home and sometimes in the crèche setting where their child spends time being cared for. The one point that consistently comes up is ‘how can we do it all so that we are happy, so we can tackle the more challenging times and be there for our children when they want and need us most?’ For many parents it’s a case of reassuring them that they are one of many feeling exactly the same way, and although it feels like there are never enough hours in the day and there is a tension between balancing work and family living, it is empowering for the parent that there are ways of making it easier. It’s just about what will work for your family.
I have found, over the last number of years, that once parents find that balance, whether it be creating rituals or routines and a way that encourages everyone, it is a comfort and a relief in itself for all involved. Different working schedules with an age range of children bring different needs. What is necessary to take into account is creating a work-life balance that will work for you and your family.
The morning rush versus the precious evening hour
From the moment the alarm goes off in the morning, it’s generally all systems go! Having a routine is a clear winner, however the usual ways of giving us a head start is having lunches made and bags packed from the night before as well as preparing uniforms and outfits that are ready to go. Even for our more independent children who insist on being part of the decision-making, figure out together what clothes they will wear the following day and lay them out, ready to go. These little things can save time and avoid frustrations in the middle of the morning madness. As our children often go with the general routine, allowing them some healthy influence on decisions goes down surprisingly well as you hand over a little responsibility.
A full day of being away from one another can bring its own mix of emotions. Not only do our children make a beeline for us and our attention - and naturally so - there is that expectation that we can provide it with a bunch of energy. For many, this is not a reality; after a long day, both parents and children are tired and under pressure to fit that quality time, dinner, homework and bedtime all in a very short space of time. If eating together at dinner time is really important to you, this in itself is creating an opportunity to talk about your day and brings the family together. I have worked with a number of families that have made this a ritual; each person takes it in turn to share their news of the day – good or bad! Even if you find eating later suits when the children go to bed, often sitting with them with a cup of tea when having their snack can provide that undivided attention and presence they look for.
Special quality time
Although 20 minutes a day is the recommended time for one-to-one with your child, this is not always going to fall into our working week like we might want it to; for many it may feel impossible, especially if we have more than one child. Parents do feel that pressure to spread themselves out, so identify what your child enjoys and what’s practical and you’ll find that this will make all the difference. Making decisions with your family by creating a weekly evening plan as well as for the weekend, that is displayed in the house, allows the children see the kind of time they will get to spend with you; and once our children know what to expect, it will help them cope better with the evenings’ demands.
Bedtime stories are a perfect opportunity, as it can be incorporated into the bedtime routine, and this is often when our children enjoy the little chats as everyone is winding down. Another way to connect is doing weekend jobs together, like tidying a room or sorting out the toy box – a job you keep meaning to do! Our older children like that time spent chatting during car journeys in between extra-curricular activities. I often find that children will express themselves more while we drive, as there is always more of a distraction and less intensity if talking about feelings or what might be bothering them. Go for a juice and a coffee afterwards, just to have that time together – children love that little bit of down-time too, and a treat!
Be kind to yourself
It’s important to look after yourself and your own wellbeing. The more relaxed and content you are as a person; the more present you will be for your children, and the more recharged you will feel. This may mean you paying extra attention to how you manage your own work time versus home time - I know; easier said than done, but sometimes when we take ourselves out of a pressurised situation it gives us an opportunity to review what’s best for us and our family.
