Expecting a baby is a very exciting time for the whole family: while you can’t wait to welcome your new baby, older children are excited about becoming a sibling for the first or even second time.
Sadly, things can go wrong and not everything turns out how you expect it to - and a miscarriage can be devastating on the entire family. As you try to deal with your loss, it is important to recognise that your other children may be hurting just as much.
They too will have thought of their future with a little brother or sister and will also feel the heartbreaking loss of your pregnancy.
It will be tough to talk about - there is no denying that - so give yourself a little time to get your head around what you want to say.
And remember it is OK to ask your partner or trusted friend to sit with you while you tell your children - do what feels comfortable for you.
In a bid to make it a little less stressful in an already chaotic and emotional time, we have compiled the five things that will help you through it.
1. Don’t hide it
Understandably you will want to try to come to terms with your loss before you tell anyone, but don’t leave your children in the dark for too long. They will notice that something is wrong and struggle to understand what.
2. Bear with them while they process the information
If after telling your little one they go off and play with their toys don’t give out to them or expect them to sit and grieve. Their loss and sense of what has or is happening is entirely different to yours. To them the baby was only in your tummy and so they might not be as emotionally attached as you were.
3. Answer their questions as honestly as possible
They may ask you where the baby is now or what happened but it is up to you how much you want to divulge to them. Be prepared for their questions and what you want to tell them before you bring up the subject.
4. Always keep in mind their age
How you tell your child depends on their age but it should not dictate whether you tell them or now. Even if you don't think they aren’t old enough to understand what has happened they will recognise that you are upset and will be more concerned about that.
5. Don’t let them blame themselves
If your child wasn’t that keen on you having another baby be mindful that they may start to blame themselves for the miscarriage; talk about what happened - age-appropriate, of course - and how nobody could do anything.
Today, Saturday, 15th October 2016, marks Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day - a day dedicated to remembering babies who were taken much too soon and the parents who will always be grieving their loss.
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