Four going on 14

My daughter Joan turned four at the beginning of May and like a light switch, I feel I have a different child living under my roof – one who is rapidly and all too quickly heading towards the tween years. There are glimpses of what she might be like when she reaches those years; the facial expressions she uses, the things she finds funny and the way she interacts with people. And I can’t help but feel I’m being fast-forwarded during times she tells me: “Get out of my room, I need alone time!”

 

What? This isn’t supposed to happen so soon!

 

I think, as new parents, when our children are in their first few years we often check reference books or online resources for the milestones. We know that by six months they should have their two bottom teeth, by 15 months they should be able to point to different body parts, by two and a half they can refer to themselves by name, etc. I was on top of these developmental checklists until she was roughly three, and then I let it slide.

 

So when we were weeks away from her fourth birthday, I found a checklist I trusted and went though all the things a four-year-old should be able to do.  Brush their teeth, dress themselves, (be rude), learn empathy, sing, dance and act. Check, check and check. But what wasn’t on the list was: “do a great impression of a moody teenager.”

 

 

I love seeing Joan’s newfound independence that comes with being a four-year-old. I like that she helps me with every-day things now, that I am not shadowing her and most of all that now we decide on things together. We are always talking about what to do, what to eat, where to go, what to read and she has an opinion on all of these things!

 

I value her input and feel she is gaining so much confidence because of this support. But the flipside of this is there are no more signs of a toddler and it means she is growing up so fast. I can’t count the amount of times I hear “I can do it myself” or “I’ll do it” in just one day.

 

I think being a parent to someone is one of the most complex things in life and as a parent you are constantly learning and growing too. A close cousin of mine recently said that she keeps reminding her 37-year-old son that she is “new” to this. That she has never had a 37-year-old son before. And that rang true with me; I’ve never had a four-year-old before!

 

 

So as a parent of a four-year-old, I think I have two big jobs this year. First will be to encourage her to continue to grow into that person I love more than anything in the world; to give her that much needed space to explore different situations; to not jump to help her when she gets stuck with something and to keep asking for her opinions and thoughts.

 

My second job will be to cherish the excitement around her new found and growing list of skills, such as last month when she clearly wrote J, O, N on a piece of paper (we are working on A.) and last week when we were reading a story called Night Time and she recognised all the letters. I love her stick people drawings and she knows it. She takes great pictures with our camera and we will keep them forever. There is so much excitement and mutual companionship that comes with the territory of being a mum to a four-year-old; I plan to enjoy every moment of it and try not to worry about it all happening too fast.