It's time to stop being judgemental
Last week, I read about the reaction to a story which was published about a mother, Jenny Wright in the UK, who jogged right through her pregnancy. I hadn’t read the original piece and only picked up on the chatter which the article created. When I saw a photo of her running with her bump I immediately thought – WOW – that’s amazing.
It really saddened me then when I read that women (yes women) had been verbally abusing her with comments about how selfish she was to run when she was expecting. People suggested that she could cause brain damage to her child. Others suggested that someone should call child protection. One women accused her of exercising while pregnant to stop her husband from pursuing other woman. Seriously! That is what went through another persons mind. Another said it was ‘and unrealistic obsession with women’s rights’ – what? She was also asked if it was true that by exercising vigorously that she was starving the baby of oxygen and could have a child with shaken baby syndrome.
What upset me about these comments in particular was that we, women, get involved, butt in on other peoples lives and have a tendancy to negative to boot. Just because we don’t do it ourselves, we turn other womens interests and desires in something negative.
And that judgemental way, doesn't change when we become mums. It saddens me when I see mums become judgemental about other mums and they probably don’t even know it.
I’ve seen it with breastfeeding mums too. For the record I was a proud breastfeeder for my two kids and this isn’t a debate about whether it is right or wrong. But just because I was a BF that doesn’t give me a the right to be a know all, advice giving, condescending mother against any formula feeding mum. I’m sorry but it just doesn’t. I once wrote on one of the facebook pages of an Irish breastfeeding ‘support’ group and I was attacked because of my relaxed attitude and less than textbook approach to ‘do what is right for mum and baby’ attitude. If breastfeeding doesn’t work for you – no problem. You do your best to be a good mum and if you need to do something that makes you happy and feel better, even if some staunch advocates don’t agree with you, then GO DO IT.
Getting your baby to sleep is another heated topic – some believe in controlled crying and others say a child should never be left crying and I have read forum discussions where mothers attack each other because of their desire to get a nights sleep and the techniques that they use to get there. Why are we so mean to each other? What happens when we give birth that some of us become, well, know it alls? Aren’t we are just struggling with the same goals here? To be good mums?
Why, when we become mothers, do we believe that gives us the right to have the ONLY best way to do something. We don’t. What we have is our own experience and gut feeling. That doesn’t give us the right to interfere, comment and judge other mums who don’t follow the same rules. Our way, is not the only way.
Can we please, oh please, stop with the judgement. Stop with the ‘that’s not the right thing to do’ and just be supportive of each others decisions. What defines us in life is not what other mums do or whether we think they are right or wrong. We are defined by our own actions and if we act and teach our kids to be judgemental, arrogant and interfering then that is the type of child we will raise.
I didn’t set out on the journey of motherhood to end up with an adult child who has those traits. Shouldn’t we teach our kids patience, kindness and the ability to judge without being judgemental? Isn’t that the sort of person you want calling around for a cup of tea in twenty years? And while you are teaching them, be supportive of other mums and kind too. Even if you think in your heart that they are doing wrong.
Hold back on the judgement and let’s motivate and support each other, no matter what.
