Mummy Pleads Guilty
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Mothers Are all Slightly Insane’… J.D. Salinger
As I write my first ever blog, it is 10.30pm and Lenny has been asleep in HIS OWN BED for at least 3 hours now… optimism courses through my veins as the prospect of a night’s sleep minus a toe up my nose, may become a blissful reality… My little bedmate Lenny is in fact a 20 month old toddler with a penchant for sleeping in a horizontal position (usually with an arrogant ‘I rule the world’ smirk across his beautiful little mouth). This is a habit acquired in the last 10 months or so, prior to that he slept snuggly in his cot.
When initially reading baby rearing publications on the matter, there were often severe warnings in bold lettering with harsh statements..’ DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES ALLOW YOUR CHILD TO SHARE YOUR BED… THE LATTER SHALL CAUSE IMMINENT DOOM AND IRREVOCABLE DAMAGE’. Statements leaning towards one feeling, GUILT!!!
This brings me onto the subject of guilt, Along with the arrival of your little bundle of joy comes the arrival of overwhelming, massive all consuming feelings guilt. Guilt about everything, Guilt in the morning, guilt in the evening, Guilt in the afternoon. I have never experienced this emotion to such astonishing levels. I have always been quite a confident and self assured person, never in a million years did I ever conceive that such a small being could reduce me to such a quivering wreck of self doubt.
I know that the guilt feelings are just side affects of human nature, the instincts to love, protect, care for and nurture our babe can make an imperfect woman such as myself question ones abilities as a parent.
A couple of my nagging guilts in the past few months
Most nights he sleeps in our bed…I leave him (Against his iron will) while I go to work… Chocolate has passed his lips on several occasions… I don’t always cook his meals from scratch… He is rather too fond of his soother… He doesn’t socialize with enough kids his own age… Peppa Pig is like some mystical being with the power to entrance my child for just enough time for me to check my Facebook page… I don’t do flashcards/ baby Einstein on a regular basis… I don’t wear a pinny and do 1950′s housewife things like bake brownies with him. The most irrational and recent guilty feeling is the procrastinating over assembling an electric drum kit that he loves so much following a move, I began to worry that it would mess up his ability to appreciate music, rhythms and beats for life.. HE’S A BABY AND I’M CRAZY AAAAAHHH!!!
The list is infinite
However, He is slowly starting to move into his own bed, I don’t think the nights snuggled up together have done him too much damage. If I didn’t work, I would definitely be a less fulfilled person and I want to lead by demonstration that you gotta work hard to achieve your goals. He eats healthily most of the time and I don’t want to make chocolate such a thing of mystery that he is inclined to binge on banned junk later on in life (As His Mamma did). He is learning at his own pace with encouragement but without pressure, Our house is like a train station with visitors so I think he is gonna be able to hold his own in a crowd.
What I most definitely do do right is love the little dude with every millimeter of my being. So as Lenny grows and develops into a perfect, happy, contented little boy, these feelings are starting to dissipate (thank goodness). When I look into his perfect little face and he babbles away happily I realize that I/We must be doing something right.
The one thing that I may work on though is the 1950′s housewife look, I’ve always wanted to wear a polka dot pinny and have some incredible Irregular Choice shoes to match!!
So I continue on my journey as a Mamma, making mistakes, learning and being imperfect.
But Then again What is perfect??
xx
.
As I write my first ever blog, it is 10.30pm and Lenny has been asleep in HIS OWN BED for at least 3 hours now… optimism courses through my veins as the prospect of a night’s sleep minus a toe up my nose, may become a blissful reality… My little bedmate Lenny is in fact a 20 month old toddler with a penchant for sleeping in a horizontal position (usually with an arrogant ‘I rule the world’ smirk across his beautiful little mouth). This is a habit acquired in the last 10 months or so, prior to that he slept snuggly in his cot.
When initially reading baby rearing publications on the matter, there were often severe warnings in bold lettering with harsh statements..’ DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES ALLOW YOUR CHILD TO SHARE YOUR BED… THE LATTER SHALL CAUSE IMMINENT DOOM AND IRREVOCABLE DAMAGE’. Statements leaning towards one feeling, GUILT!!!
This brings me onto the subject of guilt, Along with the arrival of your little bundle of joy comes the arrival of overwhelming, massive all consuming feelings guilt. Guilt about everything, Guilt in the morning, guilt in the evening, Guilt in the afternoon. I have never experienced this emotion to such astonishing levels. I have always been quite a confident and self assured person, never in a million years did I ever conceive that such a small being could reduce me to such a quivering wreck of self doubt.
I know that the guilt feelings are just side affects of human nature, the instincts to love, protect, care for and nurture our babe can make an imperfect woman such as myself question ones abilities as a parent.
A couple of my nagging guilts in the past few months
Most nights he sleeps in our bed…I leave him (Against his iron will) while I go to work… Chocolate has passed his lips on several occasions… I don’t always cook his meals from scratch… He is rather too fond of his soother… He doesn’t socialize with enough kids his own age… Peppa Pig is like some mystical being with the power to entrance my child for just enough time for me to check my Facebook page… I don’t do flashcards/ baby Einstein on a regular basis… I don’t wear a pinny and do 1950′s housewife things like bake brownies with him. The most irrational and recent guilty feeling is the procrastinating over assembling an electric drum kit that he loves so much following a move, I began to worry that it would mess up his ability to appreciate music, rhythms and beats for life.. HE’S A BABY AND I’M CRAZY AAAAAHHH!!!
The list is infinite
However, He is slowly starting to move into his own bed, I don’t think the nights snuggled up together have done him too much damage. If I didn’t work, I would definitely be a less fulfilled person and I want to lead by demonstration that you gotta work hard to achieve your goals. He eats healthily most of the time and I don’t want to make chocolate such a thing of mystery that he is inclined to binge on banned junk later on in life (As His Mamma did). He is learning at his own pace with encouragement but without pressure, Our house is like a train station with visitors so I think he is gonna be able to hold his own in a crowd.
What I most definitely do do right is love the little dude with every millimeter of my being. So as Lenny grows and develops into a perfect, happy, contented little boy, these feelings are starting to dissipate (thank goodness). When I look into his perfect little face and he babbles away happily I realize that I/We must be doing something right.
The one thing that I may work on though is the 1950′s housewife look, I’ve always wanted to wear a polka dot pinny and have some incredible Irregular Choice shoes to match!!
So I continue on my journey as a Mamma, making mistakes, learning and being imperfect.
But Then again What is perfect??
xx
.
