So my wife has PCOS

 

So my wife has PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome).

 

Caused by a hormone imbalance, it affects about 5% - 10% of women and is a leading cause of female infertility.

 

PCOS is diagnosed by having two of the following three signs: small cysts on the ovaries, increased levels of male hormones and no regular ovulation.

 

Well, that’s the science bit done.

 

But what is PCOS, really? A massive pain in the rocks to be honest.

 

It turns an amazing wife into, well, into a wife who is not firing on all cylinders and is hormonally charged. It takes my wife away from me, it creates tension and it is bloody hard to live with.

 

However, while we both know about PCSO and live with it daily, it’s a challenge that we both need to deal with in different ways.

 

One of the biggest things about living with a woman with PCOS is how tired she can be.

 

My wife is in her 40’s (just) we have two kids - 12 and six - and she has known about PCOS since just before we fell pregnant with the first one.

 

However, the big telltale sign is how much energy or lack of energy she has. By the end of a day she is wiped out. In bed early (8:30pm) or sometimes earlier, and will go to sleep almost immediately. She could take on a part in The Walking Dead some days as a leading walker.

 

This is a woman in her prime and there is nothing left in the tank.

 

Jodi has patience, sweet baby jebus she needs it with three boys in the house. However, something happens and it’s like a switch is flipped and from no where it's Cranky Time.  

 

 

This, for me, is one of the worst aspects of PCOS. It’s horrible to see my sweet natured loving wife turned into a cranky b***h - yes, I have called her that but she fully admits it also! 

 

It can be mental. And, at times, placing something in the wrong place creates a standoff between North and South Korea at the DMZ.  My problem is I default into a defense mode: “You did this always”, I am told. “No I did not”. And that’s it.

 

What I really need to get better at is just agreeing and walking away. It's hard, very, very hard for me to do though, but it would prevent possible clashes.

 

A big thing I need to get better at is not taking things personally. When Jodi acts out it's not her fault and my reactions could be so much better, but I am learning. 

 

It’s one of the first, most important, things for a husband to learn. Even when it’s aimed at you, it is not about you. So again (note to self) - don’t take it personal.

One thing we have built into the evening is trying to spot the signs and if there we have a timeout where either one of us will go into another room or upstairs to prevent clashes. Not the best solution but it does work.

 

My wife is amazing, beautiful, thoughtful, always puts others before herself, intelligent and a  brilliant mother to the kids and wife to me.

 

Having PCOS is who she is and I would not want her any other way. Sometimes PCOS makes her feel she is none of the above.

 

I can 100% state she is these and more everyday.

 

If you are a husband and married to a PCOS sufferer then the biggest thing you can do is love and support your wife. I don’t always get it right but its sooooo important and makes such a difference to everything.

 

Darren Brooks blogs at Diary of a Working Dad and is father to two boys - 12-year-old Dylan and six-year-old Liam. You can follow his daddy musings on Facebook and Twitter.