Powerful campaign highlights what NOT to say to someone who’s miscarried

 

It’s hard to know the right thing to say when someone has miscarried, and when you’ve miscarried yourself you hear all sorts of comments that end up hurting more than helping.

 

The Miscarriage Association have started the powerful #SimplySay campaign to help bridge that gap. In it, parents who have miscarried or had an ectopic or molar pregnancy hold up a piece of paper with what they did NOT want to hear after their painful experience.

 

The main message from the people in the campaign is that people need to be there to listen and give support, rather than preach about miscarriage happening for a particular reason or encourage the person who miscarried to try again. While these comments may come from a good place, they prove harmful in reality.

 

Sally, pictured below, noted how after her multiple miscarriages people not only told her 'You just need to get over it', but also, “‘It will happen, you can try again.’ That didn’t make me feel better… Tell me you’re sorry.”

 

 

“The other comment I would hear is that ‘it will happen, you can try again.’ That didn’t make me feel better… Tell me you’re sorry.” As part of our #SimplySay campaign, Sally writes about her experience of multiple miscarriages & the comfort she found on social media (link in profile today). #SimplySay #recurrentmiscarriage #talkingaboutmiscarriage #miscarriageassociation #miscarriage #pregnancyloss #recurrentpregnancylosss #miscarriageawareness #pregnancylossawareness #dontsay #captureyourgrief

A post shared by The Miscarriage Association (@miscarriageassociation) on Sep 4, 2017 at 3:57am PDT

 

 

“I used to hear ‘it wasn’t meant to be’ a lot. A good friend told me that it was because ‘maybe I couldn’t carry girls’… A lot of people would tell me that it will happen, eventually. I would also get a lot of people analyzing what could have caused it… Asking questions like, ‘have you taken any medicine’, etc. I would also hear ‘why do you need another one? You already have a child.’” Between the birth of her son in 2010 and her daughter in 2013, Jemma experienced three miscarriages. As part of our #SimplySay campaign, she writes about the unhelpful things that others said and her ongoing grief for her babies (link in profile today). #SimplySay #recurrentmiscarriage #talkingaboutmiscarriage #miscarriageassociation #miscarriage #pregnancyloss #recurrentpregnancylosss #miscarriageawareness #pregnancylossawareness #pregnancyafterloss

A post shared by The Miscarriage Association (@miscarriageassociation) on Aug 30, 2017 at 2:26am PDT

 

 

“When I went back to work I still remember people who said, ‘I’m sorry, it must be awful are you okay?’ That is all people need to say. It is a bereavement. People mistake it for something different, but you are dealing with the loss of someone who meant the world to you and it needs to be treated with the same level of empathy.” As part of our #SimplySay campaign, Paul writes about how talking miscarriage openly and the empathetic support he has received from others has helped him through the experience of recurrent loss (link in profile today). #SimplySay #recurrentmiscarriage #talkingaboutmiscarriage #miscarriageassociation #miscarriage #pregnancyloss #recurrentpregnancylosss #miscarriageawareness #pregnancylossawareness #partnerstoo #dontsay

A post shared by The Miscarriage Association (@miscarriageassociation) on Aug 18, 2017 at 3:40am PDT

 

#SimplySay also has suggestions for what to say to people who have experienced a miscarriage.

 

Natasha, in the picture below, empathizes with those who try to say the right thing to people who have miscarried: "We need to get the message out that you don’t need to know what to say or put a positive spin on it. Just saying you’re thinking of them is enough."

 

 

“I understand that it is hard to know what to say to someone who has miscarried. That is why I think awareness is so important. We need to get the message out that you don’t need to know what to say, or put a positive spin on it. Just saying you’re thinking of them is enough.” As part of our #SimplySay campaign, Natasha writes about her seven miscarriages and why she’s determined to use her experience to help others (link in our profile today). #SimplySay #recurrentmiscarriage #talkingaboutmiscarriage #miscarriageassociation #miscarriage #pregnancyloss #recurrentpregnancylosss #miscarriageawareness #pregnancylossawareness

A post shared by The Miscarriage Association (@miscarriageassociation) on Aug 11, 2017 at 3:30am PDT

 

 

“My experience of recurrent miscarriage has been one of finding the courage to talk about struggle and loss, because I’ve found that it’s only in articulating and expressing my grief that I’ve been able to move forward and find hope and healing.” As part of our #SimplySay campaign, Lizzie writes about her six miscarriages and how blogging and connecting with others has given her a sense of purpose (link in profile today). #SimplySay #recurrentmiscarriage #talkingaboutmiscarriage #miscarriageassociation #miscarriage #pregnancyloss #recurrentpregnancylosss #miscarriageawareness #pregnancylossawareness

A post shared by The Miscarriage Association (@miscarriageassociation) on Aug 8, 2017 at 12:57am PDT

 

What an inspirational and necessary campaign. You can visit their Facebook page to see more images from the #SimplySay campaign.

 

What are some of the unnecessary comments people have said to you or someone you know who’s miscarried? What would you #SimplySay?