Do you practice ‘bad mothering’?
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MummyBloggers
I love my children. I want the very best for each of them. I want them to grow into confident, capable, happy, independent people - that’s why I insist on being a ‘bad’ mother!
Here are some examples of my bad mothering:
- I don't put their coats on. I just provide them with coats (and hats and gloves and scarves) and I advise them that they should wear their these items when it is cold.
- I don't pack their lunches. I make their lunches (although my eldest wants to start making her’s soon) and I fill their water bottles. I leave them out on the counter for easy access but I don't ever put their lunches in their school bags.
- I don't carry their school bags. Ever. (OK, I confess I did for my son last summer but he had a broken arm at the time).
- I let them out of sight. If we are walking in the woods, I let them go off exploring amongst the trees, I tell them to keep me in sight, but I don't follow closely behind.
- I let them fall. Once I gauge that the jump is not going to result in any more than a scraped hand or bloodied knee, and they insist that they can do it, I let them try.
- I make them wait. If I am busy doing something big or small, and they interrupt me with a need of their own (which is of course far greater), then I insist they wait until I am finished.
- I don't organise their toys. I will fix broken toys when I can, and I will give them a place to keep their toys. However, questions like, “where is Teddy/Lego/precious stone collection?” are answered with “it‘s your toy, you tell me”.
- I break the rules. For example, all meals are at the table, except for today when we will have our pizzas under this camp we made!
With the time pressures and constant bombardment of fear by the media, we tend to over-think our parenting and can end up doing too much for our children. We think it is helping but it will ultimately hinder their development. So as Victorian as some of these practices may seem, I do them for very good reasons: to encourage independent thinking, and build self esteem.
I want them to develop good reflexes and instincts, and I want them to learn their own boundaries and when it‘s okay to break those boundaries. Who knows, it might even work!
Do you practice 'bad' mothering too?
Aisling Lyons, is a mum-of-three from Co. Wicklow, with over 20 years experience in the childcare sector. She runs the lovely blog, Babysteps, where she aims to help parents struggling with the little and large problems that parenting young children can bring.
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