Helicopter parents and cotton wool kids

The other day, my daughter Lucy’s pet fish died. There I was happily cleaning out the fish tank and when I went to put the fish back in, I noticed it wasn’t moving. At all.

 

Yikes!

 

I’ve never had a fish before so I immediately went into panic mode. I didn’t want Lucy to be upset, as I just couldn’t face the drama. Plus we were due to drive to Tipperary that afternoon and I would have had to deal with two hours of tears in the car. So I kept quiet.

 

When we got back from Tipperary, I went to two different pet shops to see if I could get an identical ‘replacement’ fish. I couldn’t, because it was a big old funny looking fish. Who knew? I was going to have to ‘fess up and tell the truth. I was dreading it.

 

The five-year-old had wisely said she didn’t want to get a pet in the first place as they all end up dying. Why didn’t I listen to her? I really should have just told her the truth from the get go. So why do we try to mollycoddle our kids? God knows they will come across enough setbacks, upset and disappointments as they go through school, friendships and adolescence. So really, I wasn’t doing her any favours by trying to protect her.

 

A recent book called Cotton Wool Kids by Stella O’ Malley examines this phenomenon of mollycoddling. I don’t think I’m alone in trying to protect my child; in fact I have written about this topic before. When a neighbour’s child was involved in a distressing altercation with my little one, I immediately flew to her defence. That’s what mothers do right?

 

However, we may think we are doing our children a favour, but in fact the opposite is true. We are actually doing more harm than good! Bad news for helicopter parents like me then - I need to learn to let go a little. Easier said than done.

 

Studies show that by letting children handle new situations, as well as life’s ups and downs, they actually develop coping skills that will stand to them for the rest of their lives. As much as we might want to, we can’t wrap them up in cotton wool and bubble wrap forever.

 

When I told my daughter about her fish, there were a lot of tears. She said it was the "worst day ever" but was fine a day later, proving that she was well able to cope with some bad news.

 

Our kids need to be able to handle whatever life throws at them. If we can teach them this, then it will be an investment in their future that will pay dividends for years to come. 

Jillian Glancy is a freelance journalist and expert tea drinker. When she's not playing Princesses with her four-year-old, she can be found running around like a headless chicken, trying to figure out how to do it all and realising it's not quite possible.