Sometimes I just suck at parenting

Overall, I think I do okay as a dad.

 

I can give advice. I crack jokes that have AJ hyperventilating with laughter and my wife rolling her eyes. I can cook healthy meals and dish out the 'don't tell mum' treats. I occasionally get delusions of being 'cool' when AJ's friends shout "HI AJ'S DAD!" when I drop him at school and birthday parties.

 

There's no extraordinarily bad behaviour and almost no swearing. I help with homework and chores, I roughhouse on the living room floor and I read The Monster At The End Of This Book and Captain Flynn & The Pirate Dinosaurs of Smuggler's Bay with all the voices.

 

But sometimes, I just suck at it.

 

There are evenings where I somehow manage to cook whatever it is that everyone has decided they hate for dinner (though I'd swear they liked it last week.) Bedtime stops being about tooth-brushing games and stories with all the voices and becomes a rushed Gruffalo and being this close to just standing at the bottom of the stairs screaming profanities because they're out of bed again.

 

Nobody tells you that it happens. All the parenting books and blogs and websites seem to be full of happy, smiley stock photos. Schoolyard conversations with other parents feel like a "Whose Family Is More Perfect?" competition. It's something you sort of have to accept, really.

 

There are days when you'll be at work wishing you were at home with the kids and as soon as you get home you'll wish you were back at work. I don't know what it is – your timing is off, you're tired or you just lose your mojo and nothing in world seems like it will bring it back. It happens to me, I bet it happens to you, and I bet it even happens to that smug looking mum with the new BMW and perfectly groomed kids.

 

I can't offer advice for preventing it from happening again.  For all I know when I finish writing this, I'm going to burn dinner, put a red sock in with the whites and not quite make it in time to stop the toddler from eating cat litter. But I can take heart knowing that I've been there before, and I got through it. And tomorrow I can try again.

It was only a week or two ago we'd had one of the worst days in a long time. I think everyone went to bed in a bad mood leaving uneaten dinner, half-hearted homework and the kitchen like a bombsite. But the next day, the weather was good, traffic was light, and we all made an extra effort. So on the way to school, AJ stopped for a second and looked at me.

"Dad?"

"Yes, pal?"

"Mum's the best mum ever, isn't she?"

"She really is."

He thinks for a second. "You're not bad at being a dad, too."

I'll take that.

John Madden is a freelance designer, writer and dad from Dublin. You can find him on Twitter as @johnmadden78.