The daughter I might not have known

Bathing my daughter this evening, I thought about how lucky I am to have two beautiful healthy children; however, I couldn’t help but think we may never have known her.

 

Trying to conceive can be a journey and when my husband and I spoke about having a family, we always said that if we were blessed, it would be lovely to have two children.

 

Our journey to parenthood began when we saw that Big Fat Positive in November 2010. After nearly two years of trying, the word ‘pregnant’ brought both happiness and worry; while this was something we had planned, there was some fear that something would go wrong.

 

Thankfully I’d an easy pregnancy and we welcomed our son in 2011. Seeing him for the first time was the most amazing experience and I couldn’t wait to cuddle him. Over the following months, I enjoyed lots of cuddles and laughter.   

 

When he was 13 months the question “Will we try again?” arose and not long after that, we received another positive. For some reason though, there wasn’t the same happiness or worry we had the first time, but we put it down to being more experienced.

 

The night before my 12 week check I noticed a light bleed, but I tried not to worry as I’d read this can happen. I spoke with the midwife and because my scan was booked for the next morning and there was no further bleeding, she said to wait.

 

The morning of the appointment I noticed some more bleeding. I rang the hospital and they said to go to my appointment in the clinic as I would be there quicker than the hospital.

 

On the drive in both my husband and I knew, it wasn’t going to be good news. The sonographer was amazing and she checked and re-checked, but I knew looking at the image this little baby was not to be. We had what is called a missed miscarriage and after having this confirmed in the hospital later that morning, we discussed our options at length and I was booked for a D&C the next day.

 

Like all surgeries I was nervous but strangely comforted too as I was in the same theatre where our son was born. When I awoke from the surgery, I chatted with the theatre nurse who told me with smile she’d see me in nine months and in my nervous positivity, I said with a wink, “give me a year”. Little did I know how true those words would become!

 

Our daughter was breech and born via C-section. That same theatre nurse was there at the birth and I was delighted to tell her the story. A year to the day of my D&C, we brought our daughter home.

 

I feel truly blessed to have fallen pregnant three times. On a daily basis I’ve laughter and joy with my children and I know their little Angel, is watching over them.  

Eimear Kelly has worked in hospitality and recruitment but considers becoming a stay-at-home mum to her two children, Logan and Elise, her best career move. Becoming a mum has inspired her to believe in herself and follow her dreams.