Why I’m happy being an imperfect mum

Becoming a mum for the first time was incredibly exciting. It was like I had officially become a proper grown up - as if being married and having a mortgage wasn’t grown up enough for me already.

 

After I slowly (very slowly) got used to being a new mum, it began to dawn on me that I had not become the mother I had always envisaged in my head; in fact, I was nothing like her.

 

When I was pregnant and misty eyed, or maybe just full of hormones, I thought my new life would be a bit like a Pampers ad with a beautiful perfect baby bouncing on my knee (no vomit, drool or colic of course). I think, like a lot of mums, I tried in vain to do everything the 'right' way and aimed way too high. I made life a lot harder for myself, when it didn’t need to be.

 

I found the adjustment of becoming a mum completely overwhelming. My pre-baby life had been so unbelievably different, with lots of couple’s dinner parties, lovely regular holidays and a really nice tidy house. The arrival of Baby, combined with a crippling recession, soon put an end to all that, thank you very much.

 

Like most mums, my new mum days were filled with endless nappy changing, feeding, burping and crying (both me and the baby). I tried to be perfect. I wanted it all to look effortless, so people would be super impressed with my “brilliant” parenting. Oh how I laugh when I think about it now! Let’s just say motherhood has been a really steep learning curve.

 

I realised something though. It was like an epiphany. All along, I was trying to be something I’m not. I’m not perfect, and I never will be. The same goes for my parenting. I am flawed and that’s okay. I will never win parent of the year – so what?

 

I do marvel at some mums I know though; women who are natural mums and really do make it look effortless. I always thought that when I became a mum it would ‘come naturally,’ which is what everyone told me. It came as a bit of a shock when it didn’t. At first, I felt like a failure, but now several years later, I realise that it’s okay not be perfect.

 

Life isn't a Pampers ad, nor should we want it to be. Maybe it’s high time we just gave ourselves a break. After all, we are all just muddling through and doing our best. And that’s good enough for me. 

Jillian Glancy is a freelance journalist and expert tea drinker. When she's not playing Princesses with her four-year-old, she can be found running around like a headless chicken, trying to figure out how to do it all and realising it's not quite possible.

 

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