10 reasons my last shopping trip left me an emotional wreck

I went clothes shopping at the weekend because despite it being the last weekend before pay day, I inexplicably had a few notes left in my account.

(No doubt I've forgotten to pay the electricity bill and we'll soon be fumbling around the house in the dark like four mole people.)

Clothes shopping used be a leisurely pursuit, but since having children I approach most highstreet stores with a divide and conquer tactic.

I desperately wanted to re-live my pre-motherhood days last Saturday though - the kids had used the kitchen table as a makeshift mud pie-making factory that morning. Need I say more? - and I decided that htting the highstreet with my old attitude might be exactly what I needed.

It turns out it wasn't.

In fact, it was the LAST thing I needed as I grappled with buttons, struggled with zips and felt cold beads of sweat settle between my shouder blades as I realised I had gone up a full dress size since Christmas morning.

Here are just ten thoughts I was confronted with as I blindly made my way through throngs of teenage girls and slowly ambling couples.

1. "Now, what would you wear with this thing?"

What IS this thing?



2. "Who could possibly think that dress would be suitable anywhere outside of a porno shoot?"

God, I wish I had the body for it.




3. "Are the lights in here designed to make you weep for your lost youth and once toned legs?"

Is that a fold of fat above each knee? Well, that's definitely new.




4. "It doesn't fit? THIS doesnt fit?"

This is like a flour sack, for God's sake. It has to fit!



5. "Why does my underwear always roll the whole way down my thighs when I pull off my jeans?"

It's obscene.



6. "Oh wonderful, I'm getting my clothes shopping rash."

It really helps detract attention from my newly-acquired double chin though.



7. "None of my bras at home suit the tops I bring into the fitting room."

It's like I'm out to sabotage my own day.



8. "I don't want to ask for the next size up...again."

I'm a failure to feminists everywhere when I think that, aren't I?



9. "Head almost through the sleeve again."

I thought my children how to dress themselves, why can't I master it myself?



10."I'm going to pretend I want to try on these shoes just so I can take a moments rest."

Zzzzzz