50 Shades of Valentine

While innocently - INNOCENTLY I tell you – booking a family cinema ticket the other day, I happened to scroll over the pre-booking option for 50 Shades of Grey the movie.

 

I’ve never been so shocked. 

 

Not by the trailer, or the blurb, or the suggestive photographs of Jamie Dornan (I’m so proud he’s Irish…);  no, I was shocked to see that the 8.30pm show on Saturday the 14^th February was BOOKED OUT.

 

Two weeks before the movie was to even hit the big screen, enough people in my hometown had planned to spend the most romantic night of the year watching S&M soft porn with their partners.

 

REALLY? Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting a boycott of the movie – far from it. I’m looking forward to seeing what Christian really is capable of and as I genuinely didn’t read the book, I should be in for an educational night. 

 

But I intend going to see it with my book club - we like to go to movies that started out as books; we’re a very cultured group of ladies in that way. Afterwards, I expect we’ll have an in-depth and considered discussion on the deeper themes of the show. (Also one of our members is a sex therapist, so her take on the specifics should be utterly hilarious. Side note: every book club should have at least one sex therapist.) 

 

And if my book club won’t go (well, we didn’t actually read the book), I intend waiting for the DVD so I can pause it at salient moments. Either way, I won’t be going with my other half.

 

And that’s my personal choice.  

 

And I won’t judge if you disagree.

 

But Valentine’s night? Really? I can’t even imagine how the conversation would go. Are hundreds of men in Dublin planning to surprise their partners on Valentine’s night, not telling them where they are going, only for those poor, unsuspecting women to open their eyes to a box of nachos and a dirty wink? Or is it the women who have booked these tickets?

 

Either way, be warned.  I’m gonna get myself a large box of popcorn and wait outside the cinema to see just who is going to the 8.30pm screening on Valentine’s night, and how many cheeks get slapped before the movie even begins.

 

You should join me.  It promises to be a great show.