6 signs you are a 40-something mother

I turned 44 last week, an event that the middle child tells me would have elevated me to the status of goddess (or at least shaman) in some prehistoric tribes. Nowadays, we’re not so impressed by such milestones, and, if the ads on TV are any guideline, we should be jumping into oceans, laughing carelessly, and flirting wantonly at twice my age.

 

That said, there are some eye-openers about hitting your forties that seem fairly universal and for all you young ones out there, don’t worry, not all of them are bad:

 

Your eyebrows disappear

 

I recently found a stash of photos taken when I was 20 that make me incredibly grateful for an Internet-free youth. What struck me most (apart from the fact that we thought wearing satin-effect pyjama tops with suede jackets and Doc Martens represented utter sophistication) was the luxuriant state of my eyebrows.

 

Fast forward 20-odd years and I have to get them tinted to even notice them, and I’m terrified I’m going to turn into one of those old ladies with a pencilled-in look of permanent surprise.

 

You start doing that funny arm’s-length squint

 

Remember when you used to smirk at older people peering at stuff in supermarkets? Remember how funny they looked frowning at labels up close and then holding them further and further away until they could read them? Stop smirking—that’s me.

 

You get a hangover after two glasses of wine

 

And it lasts about a week.

 

You keep spare stamps

 

You possibly also have a stash of cards for birthdays and special occasions. You might even have a special drawer for them.

 

You start repeating your own mother’s mantras

 

Even though you swore you would never inflict these nuggets on your own kids, you find yourself saying things like:

 

“We’ll see.”

 

“Ask your father.”

 

“Do you think I’m made of money?!”

 

“Were you born in a barn?!”

 

You don’t care what people think

 

This is the absolute best thing about getting older. Let’s face it: Getting older is not always the bike-riding, love-finding, exotic-travelling barrel of laughs you see in ads, so make the most of it, and revel in being and doing what you want. Wear navy with black. Drink red wine with fish. Don’t wear makeup. Wear lots of makeup. You’ve made it this far. Enjoy.

 

Aoife O'Carroll is a separated mum living in Co Kerry with her two boys aged 17 and 14, and a girl aged 10.

 

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