But then it happened and the bottom fell out of my world

They say a son is a son until he finds a wife but a daughter is a daughter for life. I'd like to find whoever is responsible for that old adage and give them a stern talking to. It's simply NOT TRUE and I can prove it twice over.

 

Ok so maybe I'm being a little over dramatic but recently I was left reeling when bitter experience visited my door for the second time in 6 years  I found myself yet again feeling shunned by one of the greatest loves of my life and I can’t help but feel it’s all my fault.

 

Let's examine the evidence. DS2 started big school in September and we’d spent the summer hunting for the coolest 'big boy' school bag, lunchbox and pencil case. During the last few weeks of August, we bought and covered the 'big boy' books and then the fateful day came. Cue lots of tears (mine) and a scolding from the teacher (again me - 'you big eejit what are you bawling for? You've done this twice before').

 

To my intense relief I was greeted by an enormous ear-to-ear smile from The Boy that home time and at every home time since. He's settled and has made the transition from Montessori kid to 'big boy' in 'big school'. So far so good, I mused, but then it happened; the bottom fell out of my world.

 

Exactly one week into the school term we were standing in line in the school yard. Teacher came to take her troop of 'big boys and girls' into class and I leaned over as I'd done every day before to kiss him goodbye when suddenly, he turned away.

 

Now I'm not just talking about a subtle head turn; I'm talking a gargantuan and crushingly deliberate full body turn to the left. I felt like I was having an out-of-body experience, the ground seemed to fall from under me, hot tears sprung to my eyes and I felt a hard wounding pain in my chest. My 5-year-old 'big boy' didn't want me anymore.

 

I'd suffered this exact trauma six years earlier with my oldest boy. At the time I'd brushed it off as a phase. He's just seen some other kid do it to his mum, I thought; in a few weeks we'll be like it was from the day he was born, stuck to each other in a love cuddle for hours and hours on end.

 

But no, it never was. He's 11 now and for the past six years any attempt by me to kiss him (even in the privacy of our own home) has sparked a cross between a frantic game of hide and seek and a bout in the WWE wrestling ring.

 

It's become a bit of a game, a bit of a laugh between us, but what he doesn't know is that at night when he's sleeping I creep into his room, sit on the edge of his bed and kiss his forehead and gently stroke his face in the way I always used to in the good old days.

 

During daylight hours I'm as blasé about the lack of kisses and affection as he is. I figure the less of a deal I make of it the more likely he is to throw me the occasional cuddle-shaped bone and sometimes that policy works.

 

I think the reason I was so well able to cope with having my affection spurned was because of my hugely demonstrative daughter and of course my cuddle monster DS2.. But he's a 'big boy' now and big boys don't kiss their mums.

 

Guess I'll be spending twice as long creeping around in the dark of night, sitting on the edge of the bed.