Coping with co-parenting at Christmas

 

Christmas is all about families, so if your family is not the perfect parental-unit-plus-kids kind, you may be wishing you could go to bed and wake up mid-January (in the Bahamas).

 

Whether you are afraid that your former partner will let the kids down or the kids will be miserable without the two of you together, trust me, there are ways to make the event enjoyable for everyone:

 

1. Can’t agree on who takes them when?

 

If you could agree on everything, you would probably still be together, so you have to expect some degree of friction over the Christmas arrangements. By far, the fairest and easiest system is to alternate Christmas Eve and Christmas Day every year, so if he has them for Santa this year, you will take them for Christmas Day and vice versa next year.

 

By making this a long-term agreement, you have the peace of mind that if you are missing them this Christmas Day, you will have them next year. Some experts even advise that you put this plan in writing.

 

If you are on relatively good terms, you may even manage to spend Christmas Day together for - it all boils down to whatever works for you and your family.

 

2. Panicking because you think your former partner will let you down?

 

It is horribly upsetting if you believe there was a deal in place for the children to be collected or dropped off at a particular time, and the plan falls through at the last minute. At that point, there is very little you can do, so your best plan is to make sure you both understand well in advance what the process is going to be.

 

Open communication is vital - even if you can’t share a civil word at other times of the year, bite your tongue and keep the peace.

 

3. Afraid you won’t have the ideal Christmas?

 

You do know that all those impossibly beautiful and idyllically happy families in the Christmas ads are paid actors, don’t you? Yes?

 

Well then, stop worrying that yours is the only family not smiling at each other over a perfectly golden turkey.

 

Your Christmas will be special in its own way - even if that means Santa in one house and turkey and Twister in another. Children adjust to new situations surprisingly quickly, so relax and enjoy.

 

Aoife O'Carroll is a separated mum living in Co Kerry with her two boys aged 17 and 14, and a girl aged 10.