Feeling redundant
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MummyBloggers
Last Thursday, I was called into the boss' office to be informed that my position was being made redundant. There followed the usual “It's not you, it's us” platitudes about organisational change and pressures from investors, but the only thought that pounded in my head, flashing in giant warning letters in my mind's eye, was: “How am I going to tell the kids?”
This is not my first experience of redundancy: On May 31, 2011, the U.S. publishing company for which I had worked for13 years sent an email informing staff that it was being taken over by a global publishing giant. On June 1, 2011, we were informed that the Dublin office of our employer was to be closed, with the loss of all 43 jobs.
On that occasion, I went into free fall, feeling utterly useless and unemployable. I cringed heading into my local post office to collect my dole, panicked that I would never work again, and took the first job that came my way.
I came to my senses eventually and got work in a field relevant to my strengths. I am in a much better position this time, having developed more marketable skills and gained valuable experience. That does not take away from the feeling of being cast adrift, however; of being left exposed and vulnerable in the scary world of unemployment.
There are moments when the pit of my stomach seems to fall away, and I feel myself plunging into terrifying thoughts about the mortgage, college costs and phone bills. But I give myself a mental slap and go back to updating my LinkedIn profile, emailing prospective employers, working on my website – anything that will lead me away from my swamp of self-pity.
My biggest concern, of course, is how my three children will be affected. My eldest is doing his Leaving Cert in a few months, and the last thing I want is for him to be concerned about funds for college. I should have credited them with more resilience: Leaving Cert boy bounced into the kitchen on Tuesday and announced that he had found himself a summer job.
“At least somebody in the house is working,” he grinned. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, but then he said: “Anyway, Mum, it's nice having you around more.”
I don't feel so redundant any more.
Aoife O'Carroll is a separated mum living in Co Kerry with her two boys aged 17 and 14, and a girl aged 10.
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