Making the grade: 'We expected As and Ds. The reality was Cs and Ds'

 

I don’t usually give much thought to the pictures of jubilant teenagers on the front of newspapers every August and September, except to wonder why anybody would do nine exams for their Leaving Cert or 12 Junior Cert subjects...

 

And I will also make a mental note to give Town a wide berth that evening to avoid the reek of fake tan and the sight of several hundred bare legs squeezed into denim hot pants.

 

This September was different, however. This September, the middle child received his Junior Cert results.

 

 

You would think that I would be somewhat used to the whole exam-mammy nerves at this stage, having already been through the elder boy’s Junior Cert, Leaving Cert, and first-year college exams, but the middle child’s first state exam was always going to be a stressful occasion.

 

Experience suggested that the paper would be peppered with As and Ds. The reality was Cs and Ds.

 

The temptation to wrap him up in hugs and hot chocolate and tell him it would be alright - and sure the Junior Cert doesn’t matter anyway - was tempered with a desire to shake an I-told-you-so finger in his face.

 

We could sit down and go through all the reasons the exams did not go his way, blaming it on his Asperger’s syndrome or an unsympathetic examiner (or six), but the truth is, he didn’t do the work.  

 

There is no easy way of preparing 16-year-olds for disappointment.

 

And he was disappointed.

 

 

He veered from aggressive displays of frustration with all the adults who kept telling him he had loads of potential, to flippant shows of bravado at the insignificance of it all. Yet his sadness seeped through every act.

 

At times like this, you go into lioness mode, gathering everything at your disposal to protect your cub.

 

You talk to teachers, other parents, your own parents; you scour the Internet for support.

 

You talk and talk to your child until you realise that, with all your talk about helping them, you are not really doing them any good at all.

 

So you hug them, you stay quiet for a while, and you listen.

 

Because, no matter how far off the mark they are, they will always be your star pupil.

 

Aoife O'Carroll is a separated mum living in Co Kerry with her two boys aged 17 and 14, and a girl aged 10.