Nativity nose picking

It was with some trepidation that we went to The Bruiser’s first nativity play on Friday. He came home from playschool a few weeks ago proudly proclaiming that he was playing the role of King Horrid.

 

Seeing the puzzled look on his dad’s face, I explained that his son was playing the role of the maniac King Herod of Judea, who ordered that all boys aged two and under in Bethlehem be put to death in after hearing about the coming of Jesus.

 

I thought it sounded a tad barbaric for a nativity play myself – surely they could have left the ‘mass slaughter of infants’ bit out – but The Bruiser took to his character with great enthusiasm.

 

When we asked him what his role as King Horrid involved, he gleefully informed us that he had to try to kill baby Jesus. Princess Firstborn was horrified to find him practicing his beheading skills on her baby dolls with his Power Rangers sword.

 

So when the day of his acting debut finally arrived, we weren’t sure what to expect. Myself and The Baba were a few minutes late so ended up standing at the back while his dad got a front row seat.

 

The Bruiser was sitting on a little plastic chair at the front of the ‘stage’ looking adorably innocent in a purple costume and velvet crown. However, while Mary and Joseph were desperately trying to find a place to sleep for the night, The Bruiser was otherwise occupied winking at his dad and giving him the thumbs up. The ‘audience’ of proud parents tittered the first time he did it and enjoying the positive reaction, he kept it up for the entire play.

 

Despite his total distraction, he managed to deliver his line flawlessly before delivering another cheeky wink to the audience. There were a couple of hairy moments for me when his finger crept up towards his nose but fair play to the little man, he managed to resist the temptation.

 

Then it was time for the medley of Christmas carols the class had been practicing for weeks. A sea of camera phones videoed the performance as the kids belted out festive songs.

 

And then it happened.

 

A little girl with ringlets in the centre of the front row stopped singing. Her finger started to move dangerously close to her nose and suddenly it went up the right nostril where she had a good rummage. I’m sure her mother breathed a sigh of relief when she took her finger out, but there was worse to come.

 

She wedged her finger firmly up the other nostril where she dug around for a few long seconds (it felt like time stood still) before she pulled out a booger (as we call them in our house where I am unheathily obsessed with deboogering my kids) which she then popped into her mouth and starting to chew (this is true, I swear).

 

She finished by wiping her finger on the front of her pretty dress and heartily rejoined the singsong. I’m sure I wasn’t the only mum in the audience who thought “there but for the grace of God”.

 

And the best part is that we have it on video so can watch it over and over. If I was really evil, I could put it up on YouTube but it could so easily have been The Bruiser!