Post Natal Depression – out at sea

I have a secret, well, it’s not really that much of a secret considering a few people know about it but one which until recently I didn’t want the online world to know. It’s something I didn’t really want to make public knowledge as I thought people would see me as less – less of a mother, less of a businesswoman, less of a person, just less.

 

I was diagnosed with PND (Post Natal Depression) around four months after my second child - my gorgeous little boy – was born. And now as we’re approaching his second birthday, I still have it. The best way I can describe my battle with PND is like swimming in the sea. There are days, weeks, even months where you are swimming with the tide and you can almost forget. Everything is wonderful, the sun is shining and you can really appreciate the world as it’s moving by.

 

But suddenly, normally without warning, grey clouds will roll in and the tide will change. You find yourself swimming against the current and you know you just have to keep treading water until the tide changes again. Sometimes, it’s easy, you feel strong and you can swim out of that current confidently; other times, it’s all you can do to keep your head above water.

 

I know I’m not alone in feeling this way. Once I opened up and began talking about it, I realised nearly all of the other moms I’ve talked to have it or had it at some stage.

 

There are a lot of us in that sea. I know you feel the guilt, the guilt that you shouldn’t feel like this when your baby is healthy or happy or loved. But this is your life and you’re allowed to feel how you feel.  

So tell someone how you feel – your partner, your mother, your doctor.

 

I didn’t even know how to say it at the time, I just knew something wasn’t right. I naively thought Post Natal Depression was something you got after your first child – little did I realise that it can happen to anyone, anytime.

 

You’ll have good days and you’ll have bad days but the tide will turn. Just keep swimming. 

Aisling Kearney Burke is a mum to two inquisitive and destructive Under 4’s from Galway, who divides her time between running her own business, Beechmount Art Studio and attempting to negotiate the minefield of parenthood.