Putting my child in danger was the wake-up call I needed

The media has recently been awash with reports of parents accidentally leaving their children trapped in cars and I’ll be honest, I can barely read them without experiencing an almost physical reaction.

When I hear members of the public slamming those ‘idiotic’ and ‘irresponsible’ parents, I swallow against my nausea and silently agree, all the while knowing I am the very parent they are talking about.

When Ella was about two-years-old, I left her locked in the backseat of our car and didn’t realise for over twenty minutes.

I understand each and every parent who says they truly can’t believe it happened simply because I myself have been there.

I couldn’t believe I had done it and yet when I saw myself dropping a cereal bowl on the kitchen floor, sprinting over the broken pieces and flinging open the front door, I knew I had.

I’m not forgetful or scatterbrained by nature. I’m organised and meticulous.

Put me in charge of anything and I’ll return it to you in pristine condition, but my own child?

Nope, she was fair game.

Apparently, she could slump in a stuffy car while I wearily placed groceries in their rightful place, rubbed my eyes and made my way around my kitchen.

I was possibly one of the most overprotective new mums you could have ever encountered and yet I did it.

I watched Ella sleep from her bedroom doorway and I held my breath in fear that she might somehow do the same.

I babyproofed our house to such an extent, both myself and my partner struggled to open cupboardsand move freely around our own home.

And what did it matter?

When it came down to it, I put my child in an incredibly dangerous situation simply because I was tired, had my hands full and didn’t pause long enough to gather my thoughts.

Accident happen, I know this.

“But, not to me.” I used say.

I had to be the perfect mum. I had to keep things together. I had to prove I was capable of looking after this child.

To who, you might wonder.

Well, to myself I suppose.

Falling pregnant hadn’t been part of my plan.

Like I say, I’m organised and meticulous and this extends to every part of my life, so when I learned I was due to become a mum without years of careful planning, I struggled desperately with the notion.

Once I met Ella and realised she had been exactly what had been missing, I was overcome with an urge to atone for my initial upset by being the best mum I could to this child.

Pulling at the car’s door handle, I realised I had of course brought the keys inside with me and dashed back up the driveway.

On my return, I saw Ella rousing from her sleep and watched her gaze at me through the car window.

She was fine. She had no idea. She was safe.

I opened the door, reached in, unbuckled her and carried her inside.

“Accident happen, I thought.  “And whether I like it or not, they happen to me too.”

Unfortunately, no one’s immune to them and even if it took me two years to figure it out, at least I got there eventually.