The Mummy Resume

I’ve had two colds, back to back, stretching over three weeks: throat vigorously grated on the inside, nose running like an unmetered tap, jackhammer behind the eyes. All you want is to collapse into bed surrounded by a jumbo box of tissues, Lemsip and a constant supply of Halls Soothers.

 

But you can’t.

 

While there are sick days for work, there aren’t any for family – regular taxi, laundry and catering services must be maintained. As I stuffed the washing machine for the umpteenth time with a tissue permanently attached to my nose, I thought, this is surely a recognisable skill, this carrying on as normal in adverse conditions, worthy of being added proudly to any Curriculum Vitae.

 

Which made me think of other skills that could go on the Mummy Resume.

 

Margaret Thatcher used to boast that she didn’t need more than four hours of sleep per night. Ask any new mum if she’d like four hours straight sleep and I promise you she’d leap (weakly) at the offer. So I add the ability to cope under chronic sleep deprivation to the mummy resume.

 

Many advertised jobs claim they need someone who can work in a highly pressurised and stressful environment. Well, any parent who has regularly gone shopping with their children—the screams, the yells, the irrational demands, the hiding behind large displays of fragile goods—would find the daily kerfuffle of the New York Stock Exchange absolutely grand. Possibly even relaxing…

 

And the parental ability of being able to wake at the slightest noise and navigate through the darkness to the origin of said sound must be a transferrable skill. Night security firms/burglars should be lining up to hire mums. 

 

If Mensa tested organisational skills then mums would be off the charts. Most mornings mums have roused sleepy children, made breakfasts, packed lunches, signed permission notes, located errant ties, socks, shoes and rulers, met the school bus, chatted to the childminder, reassured the smallest child of a swift return to their side, all before half eight in the morning. Now, that’s efficiency.

 

Maybe, instead of losing confidence in our work-related abilities whilst on maternity leave or career breaks to be stay-at-home mums, we should look on this time as a period, (amongst other things), of serious up-skilling.   

 

Daisy Wilson is a freelance writer who lives and works in West Cork. Mum to an almost-teenager and a toddler who is striding through the terrible twos with a glint in her eye, life is noisy, fun and covered in fingerprint marks.

 

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