Tough love and accusations of bullying

As the parent of a 5th class girl, I dread nits, tin whistle practice, Tesco bag packing, the nine-hour Christmas play, but more than these I shiver at the prospect of being called aside for “a chat". When  you are called in for a word, you know your opinion is not being sought on boots versus flats wihen it comes to winter dresses.

 

When the owner of the after-school club that my daughter attends informed me that one girl's parents had complained that my little darling was being mean to their daughter, my immediate reaction was shock. The little girl who gave a large chunk of her Holy Communion stash to Temple Street Hospital? Surely she wasn't a bully!

 

Once I had picked my jaw off the floor, I insisted that I would deal with the issue immediately, and, sure enough, as soon as I got into the car, I confronted my girl, evoking the spirit of parents since Adam and Eve as I declared how disappointed I was to hear such terrible news about my own child. She seemed as taken aback as I was, and we were home before her snotty outburst of tears had subsided. Once we had both calmed, I realised that something was not quite right.

 

“So what exactly did you do to Theresa?” I asked, as my daughter heaved her school bag glumly from the car. She shrugged.

 

“Nothing, really. She's just really annoying, and we got tired of playing with her.” I impressed upon her the importance of including everyone, and how it can be hurtful to be left out.

 

“But Mom - Theresa's six!,” she protested. I could see her point: A six-year-old and a ten-year-old might as well be different species.

 

The next evening I told the manager that we had dealt with the issue. It was then that she decided to dismiss the matter with a tilt of the head, saying “Between you and me, Theresa's parents are a bit overprotective.”

 

It was then it occurred to me that sometimes we can be our own children's worst enemies. Where are Theresa’s parents going to be when the first boy she likes doesn't fancy her? Or when the crowd at work go for lunch without her? You can't fight all your children battles for them: let them fall sometimes and they'll become better at getting up again.

Aoife O'Carroll is a separated mum living in Co Kerry with her two boys aged 17 and 14, and a girl aged 10.

 

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