Why asking my friend this question could have cost me a friendship

I made a cardinal sin this weekend – one which I vowed I would never, ever make.

I asked a recently married friend when she planned to start a family.

In my defence, I got caught up in the moment and fell victim to the second glass of wine I’d had while celebrating the baptism of a mutual friend’s first baby.

But, still.

I became the woman other women love to hate -  the busybody who must be so bored of her own life she feels the need to dissect other people's lives and choices.

I don’t blame her for thinking that way, I’ve done it myself. Hell, I’ve enjoyed doing it.

With one ill-advised question, I went from friend to foe in an instant.

And I knew what she was thinking,

“It’s alright for you. You have a child and you’ve decided to stop at one. You think it’s that easy.”

I don’t. I don’t think it’s that easy, but with the condescending squeeze I administered to her knee and the too-wide smile I flashed at her as I asked when she intended to have her first, I can see how she thinks so.

I know - where is my sisterly solidarity and common sense?

Asking a woman, no matter how close she is to you, if she ever intends to become a mum after a certain point in life is akin to asking for details on her sex life or enquiring about the promotion she failed to get across the christening font.

But you have to hear me out.

My friend has the personality I wished I had when I learned I was pregnant.

Effortlessly warm, endlessly patient and incredibly selfless, my friend is the woman I channel when I’m listening to Ella’s stories, dealing with her tantrums or putting myself last each and every single time.

The admiration I felt as I watched her cradle our friend’s baby son to her chest resulted in a case of word vomit so spectacular, I felt queasy for days after.

And coming from a woman who made a conscious decision to stop at one just adds insult to injury.

Why?

Because it seems that I think the decision to have children can be determined with the flick of a switch.

‘I will have a baby’ versus ‘I will not have a baby’ – simple as that.

It’s not.

I know it’s not and yet there I was grinning inanely into her somewhat stunned face as she attempted to comprehend my complete indiscretion in a crowd of people.

Issues of fertility, motherhood or family planning are no one’s business but your own and they certainly shouldn’t be the concern of a woman who can’t handle more than half a glass of Rosé and some christening cake.

But she’ll forgive me because she’s a better person than I am.