You asked

Granny helping out is putting a strain on our relationship. What can I do?

When you first decide to go the relative care route, whether it’s your mother or your mother-in-law, it can seem like the simplest option. After all, she raised you successfully didn’t she?
However, perhaps because of the existing relationship, your mother might tend to get carried away by her own ideas of parenting and childcare, and she might impose her own wishes on you and your child without even thinking of it.
The problem is that because your mother raised you, and because of your mother/daughter relationship, she’s used to a certain dynamic – and to making the rules. However, when it comes to dealing with your child, the roles are reversed, with you having the final say in what does or does not happen. This can put strain on any relationship, either when you assert yourself and your wishes, or because you don’t, and you become resentful.
The most important thing that you can do is to let her know how much you respect her, and appreciate her help, but that there are certain issues that you are not negotiable on. Choose the most important things about childcare and don’t quibble about minor issues that don’t really matter – otherwise you will always be arguing.
Having a relative who truly loves them as a caregiver can be fantastic for a child. However, you need to make sure that there is a balance between your relationship with your mother and what you want for your child. When you achieve that, and you can make your mother understand that your wishes for your child are in his or her best interests, then you should find that you have a wonderful relationship and that everyone involved is happy.

More questions

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